Bought a flat and miserable

[Hmcco]

I bought a flat, my first home. I’m single, 40 year old woman. It needed work and was initially excited. But I hate it. Things haven’t gone to plan, found it so difficult having to deal with all these men doing the work, don’t like the decisions I’ve made and can’t face making any more decisions and run out of money for now. Thing is I hate being here. I work from home and trapped in one room. I just keep crying and fixating on things that aren’t as I’d hoped. I guess I’m hoping for reassurance this will pass but at the moment I just feel awful and obsessing all the time and it’s really exhausting 😔

Yes it will pass!
buying a home is so stressful- as is all the stuff you need to do / it quite wipes you out

try and take a “commute” every day - walk outside for 20 mins before and after starting work

then I think once it’s habitable it’s fine to just live in it and see what works and what doesn’t over a longer term - a year or so - so inaction now is the right thing when it comes to working on the flat !

I work from home and trapped in one room

How often do you get out? Can you go into the office some days, or go out for lunch? Now the weather is better, choose a cafe with outdoor space.

Have you got plants, pictures, books, cushions, throws - things which reflect your taste and personality and which will help to make it look like a home?

Play your favourite music and sing and dance (with due regard for the neighbours!) spray your favourite fragrance, if you have one.

And as pp said, you don't need to rush to get everything done at once, as long as it's not something drastic like a leaking roof or plumbing failure. When you've lived there for a while, through a couple of seasons, you'll have a better idea of what will work for you.

Firstly, congratulations. Buying your own place is a huge deal!

I remember feeling exactly the same when the purchase of my home went through and I actually walked out in the middle of painting it with family and friends as I just had no mental capacity for anything due to being in a bad headspace in life.

Fast forward a few years and I absolutely love my little home. It’s not perfect and it’s not huge but it’s mine and I’m so proud of what I’ve achieved.

I know how over whelming it can seem to be looking at everything and thinking there’s so much to do that you want to just turn your back on it but don’t give it.

Write a list of big jobs and small jobs that you’d like to tackle. When finances fit for it get one big job booked in at a time and as for the small jobs maybe set yourself a goal of one a weekend. That could be just painting one wall or putting up some shelves. Bit by bit it will come together.

Remember that these things take time but find the little joys in making your home “yours” with things you like. Nice candles, cute tea towels, cosy blankets.

You’ll get there in the end.

Thank you, there is part of me that knows this will pass. There’s just so many things I didn’t consider, or I’ve taken advice from work men or decorators and now it’s done it doesn’t work for me - I recognise that standards and tastes are very subjective. The plasterer told me I was fussy and anxious after I was annoyed he plastered all my sockets to the wall, the carpenter told me I was looking for perfection after he scratched large sections of my newly refurbished pine floor when pitting doors on then tried to ‘fix it’ himself as well of loads of other thing. I feel kinda violated which may seem strong but your trusting people in your home, and even when I raised issues as things were happening I was just told things were fine, which they weren’t. But yeah. Furniture is on its way for living room. Think I’m gonna get a lodger and dog for some company. Kitchen and bathroom are liveable and will wait. I hope I feel better as my current state is not sustainable!

I understand your feeling on high standards and being anxious about things. I’ve slowly learned to relax on things in my house and realised a perfect house just isn’t achievable.

Try rubbing walnut on the wooden floors (google it)

Think about what makes you happy. Is it having plants and flowers around you? If so buy some.

Is there a certain scent that you feel calm around? Get an oil diffuser, candles or room sprays.

Have your favourite products stocked in the bathroom and luxury bits you like in the kitchen. (Good quality coffee, chocolate etc)

Make your home your sanctuary and tell yourself everyday how lucky you are.