Sorry if this is long. DS has been referred for an ASD assessment but still waiting (via Right to Choose) and struggles massively with anxiety and social interaction. He started at uni in September, which was a huge thing for him, but he didn't manage to speak to anyone. He stayed in his room, only coming out for lecturers and then waiting until none of his flatmates were in the shared area before rushing back into his room, and surviving on cereal bars so he didn't need to go into the kitchen to cook. He came home every weekend and started dreading going back.
We managed to get him moved into a studio flat so at least he could cook and eat properly, but this didn't help and he started feeling more and more down and lonely. He struggled to motivate himself to get any work done and left it all till the last minute, and wouldn't ask for help from anyone the DSA had put in place, or any of the support services at the university. Despite that, he managed to actually do really well in his first assignments as he's very bright, but after his first semester he decided to defer until next January as the stress was too much.
So now he's at home, and we let him rest as we thought it may have been autistic burnout, and he was probably exhausted from being constantly worried about everything. We've got him into a routine where he is up and showering every day, which he hadn't been doing, and the GP has prescribed Citalopram. This was a couple of months ago and he seems much brighter, but I think that is partly because all the pressures have been taken away. He's fine at home, and I've got him doing all the chores around the house while we work, which is great, but anything outside of the house he just can't do.
He'll buy something from a shop if it is self checkout, but not if he has to speak to anyone. I've tried to get him to come with me to a particular shop so he feels comfortable, and only really needs to say 'thank you' when paying for something, but when it comes to doing it on his own he just freezes and can't do it. Same with when we've seen the GP - he just can't/won't speak to him, I have to do the talking. He's been seeing a therapist for nearly a year and we've had to stop as he didn't engage with it at all - just said the absolute bare minimum to get through the session and didn't even try any of the suggestions, even just breathing exercises.
I can't imagine him being any different when it comes to going back to uni. We think he should see if he can transfer to the local uni which does a similar course but he doesn't want to as he says it isn't as good, or to commute but he doesn't want to do that either. He isn't anywhere near the stage of being able to get a job or do any voluntary work as he just can't speak to anyone he doesn't know so he wouldn't even be able to go into an interview. He's even worse on video calls - I've had to do all the sorting out of his uni deferral as he can't speak on the phone or on Teams.
He's not even speaking to friends any more - he used to at least do gaming online with them, but that has stopped because he said he doesn't want to tell them he's not at uni any more. When he was at school he was always quite anxious and shy and didn't have many friends, but he had some, and he saw them outside of school occasionally, but now he's just completely isolated himself.
I just don't know what to do, and just feel down and worried about it all the time. Feel as though we've massively failed at managing to raise a child. I'm exhausted.