I feel like a 40 year old child, what is wrong with?

[Whyamithisway]

I'm a 40 year old married mum of two. I was an only child of loving parents and I would say we were middle class. Had no worries or trauma at all and was well looked after.
I've been with my husband for 22 years and we have 2 teenagers. I have been very lucky to be able to be a sahm whilst my children were younger . I now work full time.
My issue is that for as long as I can remember I cannot seem to cope with life? My dad is very similar to me and so is my son unfortunately.
The tiniest of things can become a huge deal to me and I get very stressed and anxious easily. I also fly off the handle easily.
I've been lucky enough to have other people in my life growing up that i could lean on for support, my mum mainly and my husband.
Why can't I cope with things? This could be peoples illness, life changes, my children's behaviour, things going wrong in the house such as an appliance breaking, car breaking down. They are all the end of the world for me. And the main one is work. I've tried a few different jobs but on the whole have always worked in offices - low level, low pay.
I seem to struggle to understand the most basic of things and make mistakes at work frequently which mean my manager gets annoyed with me. When she "tells me off" as I perceive it i immediately want to walk out and leave and never return. I've left 2 previous jobs for this reason as currently looking for jobs again to leave this one. I seem to have no resilience at all.
I am fully aware of my issues but can't seem to get a grip on them. I kept thinking as I'd get older they'd go away but if anything i get worse.
Im currently not sleeping properly, feel completely drained and worn out, nervous tummy, anxious, all because of my job.
But I know I'll feel the same within a few weeks of starting a new one.
My kids are growing up and don't need me as much and I feel like I'm loosing all purpose in my life. I feel very strongly like i want to pack my life up and move away from everything (not my kids) but I have no money? What is wrong with me?

My dad is very similar to me

Or, to be more accurate - "I am very similar to my dad"

We learn how to be in the world from those closest around us; mannerisms, ways of thinking, responds to certain events or situations. I would put money on either/both of your paternal grandparents being the same way.

How did your mum cope with this aspect of your dad's personality?

CBT is a good therapy for this issue - it teaches you that thoughts, feelings and behaviours are interlinked and by changing one, you change all. For immediate help this is a great technique -

Thanks for this. I moved out from home at 21 because of how my dad was, I found him very difficult to be around. Yet I am the same?
My mum is a quiet little mouse who lets him rule the roost and tries to keep people calm. I feel sorry for her that she is lumbered with us.

If you and your father are similar I can imagine it would be hard to be around him - I guess he would blow up, which would cause you to be stressed which put him further on edge, etc., etc.

You can change; while we can't change our basic personalities we can definitely change how we react/deal/cope with everyday challenges and how we see these things. Just knowing you can change can start the ball rolling.

I feel very much the same and often feel like I must be stupid. I can tell that my brother can’t stand me sometimes. I think people would describe me as of weak constitution. I hate the way I am and try not to get too close to people.

No advice OP but I’m interested to hear insight from others on why this might be or any articles etc.

Ever considered you might be neurodivergent?

Particularly autistic. Might also be worth looking up rejection sensitivity disorder which affects a lot of autistic people. There's so many flags in your post.

I've often thought possibly neurodivergent but only as an adult
Nothing was ever picked up at school- I was very hard working, had lots of friends and really enjoyed school. But I seemed to crumble from university onwards. I suppose the structure of school etc helped me and of course girls can mask very well too

Rejection sensitivity disorder describes me to a tee. Does that mean i can't do anything to change it?
This part effects me mostly in the workplace and I struggle to see how i can carry on like this for another 27 years until retirement

Lots of undiagnosed girls find that the wheels start to come off after school and things get worse when they have children.

I found that therapy helped me with RSD. Making people aware of how i need things to be fed back to me at work, (if im about to get poor feedback, my manager will send it to me in an email first so i can look at it before they want to talk to me about it) learning to step away so i can really think about things that have been said to me before i overreact can also help. I have processing difficulties so sometimes i react in the heat of the moment and when i then get a chance to think about things, i realise I've overreacted and then RSD is a hundred times worse because then i feel embarrassed too as well as ashamed, guilty etc.

I learnt to use phrases at work like "please can you put that in an email? I need time to think about it. I'll come back to you tomorrow" or if i am getting overwhelmed then I'll say "can we come back to this point later?". Learning to bite my tongue as well - not every grumpy little thought and bad feeling in my head needs to said.

Hi there

This sounds really hard.

I am similar in a way. I have a very infantile way of coping with things and resistance tends to crush me rather than motivate me.

Put bluntly, I have very poor resilience.

What has helped me is trying to let go of my victim mindset. I now realise no one is coming to save me. I am the adult. I have no choice but to continue best I can.

Have you considered that your issues worsening may be menopause related? Hormones wreak absolute havoc with my ability to cope with life.

You are so self aware though, this is a huge strength and I think you could take all this to therapy if you wanted to give it a go. You are not your Dad and your Mum isn't burdened with you both, she has made choices here too. Good luck OP, I think you can make changes here going forward