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I'm fed up with feeling this way

7 replies

Dontwannafeellikethis · 14/05/2008 21:32

Am writing this with a vague hope that I might feel better for doing so.

Just lately things have really been getting on top of me and I think I'm teetering on the edge of having a nervous breakdown.

I'm going to have to bullet point to make any sense otherwise I might start waffling on.

I suffer with anxiety and panic attacks. Everyday is one big battle not to have thoughts about dying or thinking the worst case scenario is going to happen in every situation.

Dh works during the day and I work evenings so more often than not he comes home from work as I'm off out the door. So we very rarely get to spend any time together and when we do we are both so tired. Me, because I work evenings and Dh, because he works about 60 per week.

We are both running ourselves into the ground. I cannot remember the last time I had a whole week off work.

We work so much because we need the money. We earn too much to be able to get any help financially but not enough to live. We can't afford to buy a house so we rent privately and pay alot of rent each month for a house that had a serious damp problem, the carpets smell, and the list goes on. We have no hope of moving as we do not have enough money to save to get the next deposit. It's really getting me down, working really hard but never getting anywhere.

My exh and his wife are pains in the arse. They make everything regarding dc's into a battle. They seem to have a major problem with me although I do not know why because ex left me for the woman he's now married to and they have a baby on the way. They treat me with contempt as if it was me that left him for someone else.

My in-laws hate me. They went out of their way to make my life a living hell (a very long story) during which time I even thought about ending it all (this was about 18months ago and was when panic attacks got worse). Dh now has nothing to do with them but every now and then his grandparents pop up out of the woodwork and try to make him feel extremely guilty and of course blaming me for everything. Although it's not my fault I feel guilty for me being the cause of the rift between dh and his parents even if they are not very nice people. I also can't handle the fact that they dislike me so much. I find myself wondering what it is about me that makes me so unlikable and wondering if I'm a bad person.

I am overweight and hate what I see in the mirror. I have tried various diets but nothing seems to work. I have been to the doctors and they cannot find any medical reason as to why I can't seem to lose weight and I just feel like a lost cause. I continually feel like its just a matter of time before my dh finds someone alot more attractive than me and doesn't come with all this emotional baggage. I know many of my health issues wouldn't be so bad if I could just lose a few stone.

These are just a few of the things that I have on my mind and I feel are weighing me down. The last two days I have been very tearful and have had absolutely no energy. I couldn't even bring myself to make the dinner earlier on, so dh had to do it after he'd got in from working for 12 hours today. Although I have felt tearful I feel as if I can't let myself cry because if I do I may never stop.

I don't have anything to look forward to in my life, no holidays because we can't afford them. I want to do a college course to better myself but I can't because we can't afford the fee's. Dh and I have made no plans for the future.

I'm so sorry for those of you who have made it this far because all I've done is moan but it does feel good to have gotten this all off my chest. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I feel like I'm in limbo and I don't want to be anywhere.

OP posts:
gloriana · 14/05/2008 22:15

Hi Dontwannafeel, just wanted to say that I hear what you're saying and it sounds like you're having a rough, rough time of it at the moment. You have many areas in your life that you would like to address and improve but I can understand that it all seems impossible. The nervous breakdown may be your body's way of giving you an escape route, only thing is it comes at a high cost to you and your family. They desperately need you and I wonder whether you could 'escape' from the present by going to see your GP and discussing your feelings - it sounds to me that your anxiety may be a part of depression.

Something like anti-depressants may give you that lift to be able to look at the various parts of your life and try to sort out what you want to do.

Please try and speak to your GP and get some help and in the meantime, let us know how you're getting on - lots of special mumsnet hugs for you.

rosyrabbit · 14/05/2008 23:07

Hi

Sorry to hear you feel this way, I have recently just started having panic attacks so know how you feel...

Have you been to the doctors about this? I went and I am going to arrange to see a counsellor that my doc gave me contact details for, I really feel that talking it through rationally will help me, it might help you to...

Also regarding doing a course I know some colleges offer free courses for some things like computers, I think you might need to search quite hard to find them but atleast you will be focusing your energy on something positive...

Also if you can spare just a little money I know some colleges do short creative courses for £60, sometimes you need to treat yourself in order to keep sane!!! Even if it means cutting back on other things for a few weeks...

I hope things improve for you... x x

Dontwannafeellikethis · 15/05/2008 07:52

Hi thanks for your support and I do feel very bad for moaning about my life. I know however bad my life may seem that there are many people in this world who are a million times worse off than me.

I have a doctors appointment booked for Tuesday but not with my regular doctor because I have seen her a couple of times about anxiety and panic attacks and she makes me feel as if I am just wasting her time. She won't prescribe me AD's and has referred me to councelling which I couldn't do because it was only on one specific day of the week and at the time I worked on that day. She said she couldn't offer me CBT as there isn't anyone in our area that does it (I live in a very rural area).

I'm probably my own worst enemy as I'm not the type of person that will sit in front of a doctor and cry. I do however sit in the car before going into the doctors and cry my eyes out, then pull myself together before going in.

I have done various computer courses before and the college course I want to do is a year long and would set me off on a career to do with social work. I'm not qualified to do anything, I had my dd when I was 19 and have basically done shop or bar work ever since (I'm now 28). I just thought that instead of moaning about not having any money I would get out there and try to do something about it by bettering myself and getting qualified to do a job.

As an adult who has never studied at a higher level of education before I am probably eligible to get a grant towards some of the cost of my course, however I need to be able to prove how much I earned in the last tax year and I can't. The reason being because I was never given a payslip and being naive I never really thought to question it as I used to do the same hours each week and I know I didn't earn enough to pay tax or national insurance. I had no reason to think things weren't above board because when I first started working there I was a single parent and needed employers PAYE reference number etc for the purpose of tax credits and they quite happily gave me all the details I needed. Anyway when I realised I needed to be able to prove how much I'd earned I went to previous employers and it turns out that they have never ever informed the inland revenue that I was working for them. So I'm stuck. I feel angry towards them as it has ruined my chance of getting on this course and I feel totally and utterly stupid for being so naive and not being brave enough to stand up for myself with regards to the payslips.

Sorry for waffling on. It does feel good to have got that off my chest.

OP posts:
rosyrabbit · 15/05/2008 09:29

If they can not give you pay slips why not say you were not working at that stage?

Or you could possibly get a student loan, I know you may be worrying about paying it back but I think it would be worth it to get a new career. And you only pay a little back at a time.

Sometimes doctors do try to fob you off, but I do think it would be better to speak to someone instead of getting medication for it as you may find it diffuclt to get off those and become stressed again..

Dontwannafeellikethis · 15/05/2008 14:12

I'm really not sure what I'm going to do with regards to the college course.

I will take any help I can get for how I'm feeling right now. I have taken AD's before for anxiety and panic attacks, this was after I had my ds and GP diagnosed me with PND.

I feel so helpless and pathetic. I didn't even feel this low or need AD's when I was going through my divorce.

It's taking over my life now. I'm making big mistakes at work. Our house is a pigsty because I have no energy/can't be bothered to do any housework.

I just wish that there was a quick fix or that somebody could tell me what to do with my life that would get me out of this hole I seem to be in.

OP posts:
littlewoman · 15/05/2008 14:25

There are several areas of our lives like social life, family life, health, body image, etc that we constantly try to keep in balance. We can put up with some of them being a bit crap, but if all areas of life are rubbish, we are going to get depressed. It sounds like you don't have many areas in your life that are satisfying to you at the moment, so if you are moaning, that's okay. MNers are here to listen.

If you are on income support you can get many vocational college courses free AND continue to claim income support / family tax credits etc. They will also help with council tax and housing benefit to pay your rent. Have you considered giving up work, on the grounds of your apparent depression, claiming benefit, and then you might get your college course free and all the other benefits?

Sorry if you find this idea a bit yucky, I know not all people approve of claiming benefits. Personally, if you are working towards a better future for yourself, your family, and the society you work in, I don't see what's wrong with it in the short term. It's not like you will never be giving anything back to the community in the long term.
Perhaps you could talk to someone who can help you work out if you would be better off (or at least no worse off) if you give up working and try to retrain at college. Best of luck to you.

Dontwannafeellikethis · 15/05/2008 15:10

Littlewoman, thankyou, you have hit the nail on the head, I am not satisfied with any aspect of my life at the moment.

I've looked into giving up work before but my dh earns too much for us to be able to claim income support. Dh had a payrise last April so now that it is tax credit renewal time I know that we will have to pay back money to them. We thought we would be better off when dh had a rise but it seems the more you earn the more money is taken away from you. Dh now earns roughly 18 grand a year before tax and national insurance and we pay out over 9 grand in rent and council tax. I know it's not alot compared to what some people pay for their mortgages but by the time we have paid our rent,council tax and utility bills it doesn't really leave us with alot left. In fact it bearly leaves us with anything at all and at times we haven't been able to afford to do our weekly shop.

I know many people are in the same boat as us especially with how the price of fuel is rising as is electricity,gas,food etc. Life is tough for many people and I guess that right now it's getting on top of me at the moment.

OP posts:
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