Am I normal to feel this way? (long)

[pixxiebell]

Hi, I recently had a baby (3 weeks old) it was a very traumatic birth that lasted a few days with intervention to get her out. Since the birth I have hardly had much sleep as I was attempting to breastfeed but gave up after the first few days due to sheer exhaustion and bleeding nipples. I can't seem to sleep property as I am constantly worrying if she is ok and have to get up for a night feed. Prior to her being born I did have 2 miscarriages so I should be feeling happy that she is here and ok.

Except I am finding that I am so exhausted that when she does start crying (esp. in the afternoons) I get very frustrated with her and can't cope with her crying so I end up crying and feeling guilty at feeling frustrated/not a good mom.

My dh is very supportive and does 1/2 night feeds - I have tried to explain how exhausted I am but I am not sure he really understands what I have been through. I don't have immediate family nearby (most overseas). I just need some sleep and to stop crying all the time!! My dh works during the week so can't really expect him to not sleep at night and go to work...

Feeling very low - should I be worried about PND? I feel very guilty for getting frustrated with by DD I should be grateful she is here and I am worried my relationship with DH is taking strain. At a bit of a loss as to wear to turn...I am not good at asking for help so this is my first step.

Thanks for reading.

Pixxie

This is TOTALLY normal! It's a nightmare the first few weeks, no matter what anyone says. It's a real shock, having a baby (still is for me, and he's 3 now)!

Lack of sleep drains you of your resources, and the guilt will make it worse. Just because you're finding it hard doesn't mean you're not grateful and love her. Most people end up resenting their babies at various stages for being so demanding!

And you had a traumatic experience - from which you're expecting yourself to bounce back and just cruise! GIve yourself time to get over the experience.

Can you afford a night nurse? I know it's expensive (about £80 a night) but I know it's saved some of my friends - just so you can have a night off.

You'll be fine - it's just new and scary and not like it looks in the films! Make sure you keep chatting to your health visitor.

Don't believe the conspiracy - it's really hard at the beginning and you are not a bad Mum for wondering what the hell you've done!

I think it's normal too. I can remember how tiring it was in the early days and how frustrating it can be when you haven't got any idea what's the matter with them.

It will get easier. Wait until 6 weeks ish and you see them smile, it's lovely.

We had no family to help either and even though I thought I would go mad at some points from lack of sleep I am here now and quite sane.

I would also try to rack your brains as to where you can get some extra support. perhaps a night nanny as suggested and do talk to Health visitors. Any friends who could give you a little rest one afternoon or something?

Some mothers will tell you they have perfect babies who sleep solidly and hardly cry. I used to ignore these and tell myself that my baby and I were the norm.
Good luck!

Oh yes, my dh took some extra time off work to support me. I begged him to do this and his work were understanding and even paid him extra paternity leave. Could he do this perhaps?

Hi there, TOTALLY normal feelings. If you can't get a night nurse could anyone come round for a few hours in the day to give you a break? Say for three or so hours in the afternoon so you can get some sleep.

I can only agree with Ruby - the first few weeks are really hard, as you are finding out BUT it does get easier/better.

Keep posting

Thanks everyone for the advice and its good to know that it is normal to feel this way - some other moms I know appear to be just fine hence the reason I was wondering if I was normal! Chatted to my DH and he said he is going to do two nights of night feeds for me which has made me feel alot better as at least I can get some sleep! Would love him to get extra paternity leave - but he has just finished his and he doesn't get paid so not keen to do that.

Good to know it gets easier!! Sure hope so!!

Thanks again

Do you remember the old torture stories, where men would finally crack and confess all because their torturers would not let them sleep?

Don't underestimate what a lack of sleep can do to a person, and try to fit in little naps when you can.
Keep going, you can do it, and it DOES get easier if you can just get over the first few months lol.

Totally normal. I felt shit and anxious for months and my ds' birth was relatively straight forward. Hormones are a bugger and the lack of sleep is murderous. You aren't alone. It will get better and it will all be worth it!