DDs mental health plummeting and I don’t know how best to help her

[LoisSanger]

DD in first year at uni. Last week she called me as her boyfriend wasn’t himself ad was acting out of character for him. She took him to A&E and he was admitted, as he was having some type of mental health episode and while I shouldn’t think there is a diagnosis I think it could be a bipolar manic episode.

It was very difficult for her as she had to hold it all together. His parents went down there and I went down the next day. He is now back at home with his parents looking after him and with support from the mental health team and also various drugs.

She had been in touch with the doctor at uni about her own mental health anyway - I have long term anxiety which is managed with anti depressants and so I get some of it but obviously not this situation.

She was going to have an appointment there today but wanted to come back home so we are here and she had the appointment as a phone call and has been prescribed anti depressants. I know these won’t mend things but I’m hoping they can give her some space.

She’s in touch with her boyfriend's parents and she has spoken to her boyfriend a couple of times but it’s all difficult. I think especially as she had had to be so focussed on helping him and now she is basically not really necessary that it all feels so much worse. She’s said she doesn’t want to feel better if he’s not and I don’t know how to help her.

I don’t know how much contact between DD and his parents is reasonable on both sides. She knows she can’t hear about everything but if she doesn’t hear she is imagining the worst. They have said they will let her know if something happens like he has to be admitted to hospital.

I know it’s a how long is a piece of string thing but how long might olanzipine (main drug he’s taking) take to have some effect? His sleep is erratic which is all part of it but also doesn’t help. And he is very distracted so a phone call today wasn’t great I think.

I know the things like going for a walk and washing and that sort of thing but I don’t know how long is reasonable before my encouragement should be more.

I'm going to go for a walk and pick up the anti depressants and try and keep helping DD

Has she told her tutor she's struggling? Does she have any outstanding assignments?
You can maybe prompt about those kinds of practical things while not being overbearing. Ask if she would like an afternoon of sitting together and getting some admin done to make sure she doesn't fall behind. She can have a nice relaxing summer once any essays etc are sorted.

I'm not saying that to be callous. Just it's easy to forget this kind of thing in a crisis but an extension is easy to organise.

Does she know you struggle with your MH and you cope by xyz thing? That might be helpful.

But she's an adult and she will have to work out herself how she copes with how she's feeling. You can just act as a listening ear and offer practical support when needed.

It does make sense she's worried about her bf but there's only so much she can do about that. He's getting support.