Please help I need some advice for my brother.

[wangle99]

Brief synopsis my brother is now 18.5 years old. Lives at home with my mum. His dad and our mum (we have diff fathers) separated when he was five, in 2002 his dad died suddenly of a heart attack. My brother was affected badly and didn't go to school for ages and it was a complete nightmare.

To cut a long story short, my brother 'D' has been to college dropped out, got a job but given up on that, he cannot settle in anything as he panics and runs out of situations.

He was referred by our surgery to our local mental health unit, they met him and had a case meeting and decided they couldn't help him and suggested he consult a local counselling charity - he has been here before and it didn't really help. We think he needs more indepth help ie psychological or psychiatrist.

D has been on incapacity benefit and this stops in two weeks time, basically the surgery have said 'go get a job'. D has said in two weeks when it stops he will kill himself as he sees no way forward. I know this sounds a bit dramatic but I know my brother VERY well and I seriously believe he will do this.

We do not know what to do - where to go for help, who to approach. Any ideas?

Thank you so much .

If you think he really is serious, you need to call his doctor or an ambulance, if it becomes urgent. Sometimes it is impossible to get the help you need unless you are hospitalised which, is obviously, quite traumatic for everyone.

If he can talk to you, I think that will help.

I'm sorry you are going through this and I wish I could be more help.

Thank you for replying underRated. I have suggested my mother goes to the surgery and speaks to the gp herself. Nobody takes him serious.

If he has made his mind up nothing is going to change it and I worry he'll go off somewhere so we won't know where he is.

Hi, i am sorry your brother is another victim of the so called MHS.
Just a couple of questions firstly

Is your brother on any medication?
has he had CBT?
Did the local MHU say why they wouldnt treat him?
Why wont your Dr sign him off anymore?

my mother has been a depressant before my sister & I were born . So i understand the worry you have when a loved one is struggling & you feel helpless.

Although my mum had often threatened suicide it has only been the last 4 years that she's played pill popping & attempted hanging aswell as a couple of other ways.

we recieved no help until then from ANY MHU/S apart from the GP who has been very good (most of the time).

guessing that D was about 12 when his dad died which is a very impressional/essential age for a boy to have lost a father figure and would probably have left him very angry & confused.

when you are young and angry it can be impossible to see a way out other than to give up, but the fact that your brother has gone to his GP and had counselling (maybe not right type so far) and tried college and work suggests that he is a fighter.

It is good that he talks to you, go with him to the GP and make sure he tells the Dr exactly what the problem is (sometimes they cover it up).

Have you tried getting in touch with your local MIND branch. they can usually be found in the yellow pages.

Never doubt someone who says they will kill themselves but at the same time, be aware that some can just be a plea for help, when they have no where else to turn.

can you go with him to the benefit office and see what else he would be entitled to.

Good luck with fighting the system. Its very hard but keep pushing and always remind your brother that you are there for him. But try not to let it get you down in the process.

I'll try to find some contact details for you later and post them on here.
take care

Hi again You could try the local PALS which is the patient advisory liason service which is i think is run by your local NHS.

Young peoples Advocacy Service tel 0800 7832187

ICAS (independant complaints advocacy service) Tel 0845 130 3836

Your brother or you could try looking at
www.beyondindigo.com
www.hospicenet.org (section on sudden death of parent)
www.winstonswish.org.uk

wangle, this is so horrible.
When I was on Incapacity benefit for depression, one of my biggest fears was that i'd be told to get a job - I just wasn't capable of getting dressed, let alone leaving the house!
Who has said he is fit for work? A GP? A consultant?
Try the Citizens Advice maybe?

Thank you for your replies. I have only just had the time to get on and post in reply although did read earlier on.

sue1911 - My brother isn't on medication, it has never been suggested. He hasn't had CBT - I think the reasoning was it wouldn't be helpful. MHU said the help they could offer him would be appropriate. Dr feels that he needs to sort himself out and get a job.Had never considered the MIND charity - I know we have a local branch as have seen them advertised. Thank you for your phone numbers as well.

D had an appointment with at a health unit today - it was a review to decide whether he could continue receiving incapacity benefit. I haven't managed to speak to mum yet but I think it may have been helpful. D liked the lady he saw (a bit grandmotherly) plus I have copied this link to my mother so she can see if any of the suggested places are of use (I work full time so difficult to look into stuff).

I also suffer from depression and have been fighting the system myself - it makes me sooooo cross that you cannot get help when its needed. I do hope the suicide threat is a cry for help but sadly I think if pushed he may well do it.

Thank you again

I hope you somehow manage to get the help you all need. It is very sad that it is such a fight, especially since severe depression doesn't make you feel like fighting.

Can you make sure he has a number for the Samaritans or similar? I think you can email them too. I don't know if that would help.

Best of luck to you all.