I need advice

[Slsjhn]

Hi Sorry this is a long one, I'm really struggling lately, I have 4 daughters oldest being 13 youngest 4 months, I dunno if I'm in the wrong but I'm just really really struggling being a mam at the minute, I feel defeated, the middle two fight alot and the constant demands feel like I just can't do it any more. I've always been proud of being a good mam I don't go out or anything I'm just always with my children unless I have work (maternity at the moment) I don't have child care so the only time I get to be a normal person is when my girlsbare at school. Partner works so can't help for some reason when he's home thats his time off , I get stressed and hel say just ask for help but why should I have to when there's a screaming baby, kids kicking shit out of each other all whilst in making tea for everyone , so sometimes yes I lose my shit and get a bit shorty then I'm called a nutter and that I have bipolar, my head is like a jungle at the moment I'm stuck between am I depressed or do I actually really have bipolar or something similar? I just want to be the happy fun person I used to be but everything everyday just seem like a massive chore I want to be happy for my children and no matter how hard I try you can guarantee I go to sleep crying every night, I feel like a shitty mam, i haven't done anything wrong it's just being sad and stuff all the time makes me feel that way like they must think what the fuck is she crying for now but I can't help it 😢 I'm trying my very best to raise 4 amazing girls but I'm just useless

Seems you have two problems here... one is your relationship with DP, and you probably know best yourself what to do there, but you can also get a referral to your perinatal mental health service. Even if you don't meet criteria, they'll usually give loads of resources and places to get other support.

You’re most definitely not useless, you’re doing an amazing job raising 4 children (let’s face it, alone). He should be thanking you for all you do, not putting you down. And get some help from your GP. Perinatal cases get bumped in the queue for talking therapies. This happened to me, only waited around 3 weeks for first appointment. May be a postcode lottery though.

Yeah I know we have disagreements over this alot, he can't seem to understand as it's all on my plate not his. What do I say to a GP? I'm so bad with words especially face to face, I'm worried they'll have my kids taken away if they think I'm unfit to be taking care of them mentally

It’s his plate too, if he did his bit and helped out then it’s likely you wouldn’t feel as bad as you do. Have you tried speaking to him?
Are you still having visits from your HV?
Your kids won’t be taken away from you, don’t be concerned about that. You’re doing the right thing by them by going to the GP and asking for help. Just say what you’ve said in your message above. Tell them you’re struggling with your mental health and need some help. Could even just read your message word for word. Not sure if you have a preference but for things like this but I always feel more comfortable speaking to a female for this type of appointment, just for the maternal sense so could ask for that when you make the appointment. That’s not me saying males are any less empathetic, it’s just my preference.

What’s the rest of your support network like OP? Do you have friends or family close by?
Your partner doesn’t sound very supportive, physically or emotionally and i am sorry for that. It sounds like you’re doing a great job, but you need some support and time for yourself.

OP you sound exhausted and overwhelmed and are living with someone who is chipping away at you and calling you mad. Anyone would be upset.

I really suggest you make a Dr appointment and talk about your mental health and get a check up in case you're run down. Hormones, vitamin deficiency and lots of other things can cause depression.

Your partner sounds very unsupportive and that's the next thing to tackle, for the time being, focus on your health.

The Dr won't take away your children because you're feeling down, don't worry.