Hi all
Sorry for the long post, but I could really use some advice.
In England, my 26-year-old brother who’s in need of some desperate help but struggling with how to help him.
Background-
He has no job, no partner, dropped out of uni, always lived at home. He has never lived on his own, sat at home doing nothing.
Behaviours-
Doesn’t really leave his room or the house.
He is always in his bed.
When he eats, it’s only a little, and he always wants to take it to his room.
He has very unusual and random routines. Like having tetanus at most random times you can imagine.
Sometimes when he speaks, it’s a mumble and barely comprehensible.
His routine - sleeps, comes downstairs for some food, and goes back upstairs to his room. At times he has to be fetched otherwise he may not even eat.
He doesn’t contribute anything in family home.
Lack of personal hygiene.
He only talks to people in the house, and that’s when and if he feels like it.
He has friends that are concerned about him, when they come to visit him he doesn’t bother coming down to even say Hello.
No motivation or ambition to do anything.
Dropping out of Uni (during COVID) I think played a big part. Something about not applying for Student finance and having to owe University thousands of pounds.
No alcohol / drug / gambling issues that we are aware of.
Everything is spoon-fed to him by his parents from making his food for him, doing his laundry, and he doesn’t ever have to worry about bills or finance, etc.
No sense of independence at all.
Always on his phone, laptop, or Xbox.
When parents are gone on holiday, feels like he deteriorates.
He is very direct, blunt, and acts strangely. I don’t know if this is autism, but it feels like he is somewhat on the spectrum a little bit or most eccentric person we’ve ever come across. For example, it’s difficult to have a normal conversation with him. He doesn’t engage like a “normal person.” You say something, and he’ll say something completely random or off-topic as if he is evading the question or issue entirely. He’ll come out with most random things from nowhere.
We found him some part time work at petrol station. He wasn’t able to work there for more than a week and was told to leave. Manager said he needed help.
We’ve told him ample times that we would support him in ANYTHING he does
In the past, he had a phase when he was really bad. Parents took him on holiday for several weeks and this made a difference. He’d improve greatly, but since then he relapsed back to how he was, I have a feeling his change of environment was the cause. This was an all expense trip paid by our parents. I doubt they’ll be able to afford this again.
His been like this for several years now. Just at home doing absolutely nothing and we fear his gradually getting worse over time.
We’ve tried contacting GP, mental health team and psychologist. The issue is he won’t enagage with anyone. After battle with GP, we’ve had doctor come to the house, first time brother didn’t even come to visit them. The second or third time, brother had a brief chat and said he was fine. The doctors said they cannot really do anything if he is saying he has no issues.
How are you supposed to get professional help when he won’t engage with anyone? We’ve tried so many times talking to him asking him what he needs and what help we can give him but this hasn’t really gone anywhere. This is now causing a lot of stress in family home.
How do I begin to help him when I don’t know what’s going on with him?
What support / referrals and or agencies are in place that I can contact?
Can someone please help, especially if they’ve experienced something similar or have helped someone that was going through something like this?
I would really appreciate any advice.
Thank you for taking time to read this.