Sick of anxiety being in my life

[Jaderz]

I have worked hard to get on top of my anxiety compared to how it used to be but it’s wearing me down so much. I’ve had therapy and CBT but it feels like I live life in a constant state of underlying anxiety and then suddenly I get a bout of it that drags me down for a few weeks.

I’ve had some health issues and this does not help, a lot of my anxiety is around health. These are in hand but I know GP thinks they are all down to anxiety so I had to ask for more tests. Basically I’ve had a severely upset stomach for 5 weeks which is kind of beyond anxiety now! I am doing ok on the surface to everyone around me and meditation, reasoning and everything I’ve learnt in CBT but then all of a sudden out of nowhere I find myself feeling my heart racing and anxiety thoughts appearing. I just got up to go for a walk to enjoy the sunshine on my lunch break and got outside and hit by anxiety so I am just sitting down instead.

I do a lot of self care, sleep well, eat well, exercise, use mindfulness but it’s still here. I’m having such a flare up. I now am getting it every time I engage in exercise. I will have a full panic attack if I go to a gym - for no reason I can identify, so I exercise by myself but even that’s getting harder. When I go for a walk I will be ok for the first 20 mins or so then suddenly I get the wave feeling over me, heart starts racing so I panic then just end up going home.

I’ve never tried medication but does anyone have experience of anti anxiety meds that might help as I am considering giving them a go.

Can I ask, what happens after your anxiety attack, or after your panic attack?

I have to stop what I am doing I can’t push through it at all in that moment. I can calm myself down, deep breathing and distraction but I feel very vulnerable outside on my own so I just want to go home. Sometimes I will take time out and then keep going and not give up. But sometimes I just go home, get in bed, relax myself. I try podcasts or music but they don’t always help when the panic happens.

I can recognise I am not having any anxiety around my partner, so I do rely on him to do some things with me as it happens when I am alone.

There isn’t anything wrong with my health that seems to cause anxiety, it is anxiety. For instance if I have had anxiety at a particular point of a walk (like a certain tree or a bush), I will then keep having it at the same location over and over. It’s like my brain says oh this is the part where you panicked last time, let’s do it again. That’s what happened in the gym. I had a panic attack there once so now I keep having them in the same place.

I think by typing this I have a fear of being outside or somewhere unnerving by myself. I am not sure why. I don’t live in a dangerous area

OK, so you recognise that, although it feels absolutely horrible, the panic or anxiety can't hurt you (no one ever died from a panic attack). When we get to the peak of the attack it's akin to the part in the film when the hero is about to die a grisly death. If it ended then it would be awful but somehow they manage to get free and escape and everyone lives happily ever after. So it is with a panic attack. It happens. You survive and then go on with your day.

It’s like my brain says oh this is the part where you panicked last time, let’s do it again Yes, your analogy is spot on. When we have the first panic attack the mind starts looking for a cause, a trigger. In your case if it thinks the gym or a tree is somehow responsible then it will go into overdrive in anticipation when the thing is coming up. This sends the fight or flight response to your body so the physical reaction (sweating, racing heart, shaking, etc) starts and your mind gets even more convinced that there's something wrong. Hence the cycle starts.

These videos will help you understand what's going on in your body

s

And your mind

s