I’m looking for books for my mental health

[Canaryhead]

I’ve done a search but there’s a lot of choice
I’ve already got a few books for anxiety and meditations.
I’m about to speak about a very personal story, I understand if I get judgement, I don’t understand why I’m this Way either, but l can honestly say that when I do these things I’m not in control of myself.
I suffer with extreme emotional dysregulation, it is disabling and has prevented me from keeping any relationships. I can’t control my emotions and take it out on others with outbursts, believe they deserve it in the moment then when I can think straight and can see the bigger picture I am ashamed of myself for my actions. It’s always associated with some kind of trigger, that’s reminded me of my past, which is really easy to do. Like if I don’t feel heard, Even if they have a good reason, I take that very personally. I am doing and saying to others what was done to me in childhood.
I was raised by a bipolar parent, terrifying outbursts, threatening to kill me, wishing me dead, and gave me head injuries that hospitalised me. I have been saying The same things That were said to me and making threats towards others. For example, I was told to eat out of the bin.
So when I’m angry, I might tell the person I’m angry with to eat out of the bin. I never learned to regulate myself or my emotions.
I was also sexually abused by older men when I was a child . I’m not sure what kind of books might be best, if anyone has any suggestions based on my circumstances thanks in advance

What you're dealing with sounds really tough. I have just read 'Open When' by Dr Julie Smith. She also has another book called 'Why Hasn't Anyone Told Me This Before?'. The reason I recommend the former rather than the latter is that it is a book designed to help with tools, tips and just general understanding and things to consider in the moment.

The chapters are all aimed at specific instances such as 'open when you are overthinking' 'open when you are angry' etc. I have found it really helpful for those times where you don't have the time of inclination to sift through a whole book to find the parts you relate to when you are feeling a certain way. It's a bit like a first aid book but for overwhelming emotions.

Therapy is probably the best way forward in your situation but I understand that it isn't an option available to everyone and not everyone has the resources, both time and financial, to access it.

I’ve bought that exact one because of your advice, I think it will be helpful for me

You are more than welcome. I hope you find it as helpful as I did.