To want it all to stop?

[icantdothislifeanymore]

I want it all to stop, work, family, everything. I’m so tired, I’ve got a constant headache at the moment. I can’t do it anymore. Benefit cuts are the last straw, I work full time but others (close family) I love can’t, and I don’t know what I can do for them, to help. I can’t do it and I want out. I don’t know what to do. GP told me last week I have depression, wanted to change my meds. I haven’t done it. And I didn’t tell her where my mind keeps going.

What happens to someone if their last immediate relative goes? Would they be supported? She has a lot of needs. Would she be looked after OK? I can’t do it.

It’s just an endless stream of numb emptiness and loneliness and desperate for changes but not knowing how

If I write a letter to her care manager explaining.

I don’t know what’s going wrong tonight and why this is so something I want to do. Normally it goes away.

Take a second, try not to spiral. What's the immediate thing you can do to help overall? Does the dishwasher need doing. Do that, or clean out the sink. Then lie down, or sit down, you can't fix it all in one go. You can unload the dishwasher though, you've just proved it

OK, so you are aware that this terrible feeling IS going to pass? You're going to need evert bit of strength you have to make it through the night. Just make it through the night....focus on that.

And in the morning, call in sick to work and make an emergency GP appointment. If they don't answer the phone, turn up at reception and tell them what you've just told us.

This does honestly sound like severe depression and yes, a change of meds could be your way out of feeling like this.

You are loved and needed.

we don’t get sick pay, if I don’t go I don’t get paid and I need the money just now, I need to save because of the benefit cuts, I have to go in. I spent all afternoon panicking because I forgot something about work. I’ve rung crisis line so am just on hold now waiting. They said it sounds like very bad panic attack and dissociation happening. I don’t know. Something reminded me of being SA’d earlier. Keep remembering. I’m not normally like this, normally I’m alright.

It will pass, you are spiralling right now it’s all gotten too much.

You need to breathe, drink a glass of water and stop. It’ll be ok.

Can you call a friend? Or continue to chat here if that helps.

In the morning call into work and go sick or ask for some emergency leave then go and see your G.P.

The benefit cuts IF they affect you/your loved ones are not going to happen overnight OP.

I had to go for an ultrasound today and the dentist just before, the dentist turned out to be a deep clean, I kept dissociating there, then I had to go to hospital for the scan and they had to do it internally. The radiologist has the same name as my dad. And I was trying to mask and pretend it was all fine but it wasn’t, because of the things that happened when I was much younger.

too much in one day and I can’t tell anyone in real life. They would never believe me.

I’m waiting on crisis answering still.

Hang on hang on, do you know if the benefit cuts will even affect your relative yet?? I bet you don't, do you??

(I was terrified of the prospect of Universal Credit for 15 years. Been on it for a month now and so far, so good. My heart would race every time a green and white edged envelope from Housing Benefit would drop on the mat so I know how you feel, I really do).

OK, so you've had a massive day today. Massive. And you did really well to get through it. But it's no surprise you're falling apart a bit now.

You can tell someone about the SA and they WILL believe you. You can tell us if you want. Or I'm sure there are specialist helplines, but I don't know any. Hang on, I'll have a look.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or emal them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

https://napac.org.uk/

These guys look like they might be a good first step- and their helplines are open until 9.00pm.

They will believe you.

These feelings will change OP, it's taking you a bit longer than normal because of the day you've had. It WILL get better. You've had an extremely tough day and must now go easy on yourself by taking it one minute at a time.

You can keep posting, we are listening to you.

Thank you. I’ve managed to sit up m, breathing a bit better, and crisis team said they’ll call back, rather than stay on hold for hours on end. I’m absolutely exhausted tonight. I don’t know if they will affect. One relative they definitely won’t, they get terminal illness money. Other person probably yes but just don’t know how yet, how much they will lose. It’s the endless not sleeping and panicking every time they say benefits on the news and dreading answering the phone to another meltdown and then having to get up in the morning, and carry on and smile and pretend it’s all fine.

thank you re NAPAC link I’ll look into them thank you xxxx

Your GP will believe you OP. You’ve had an horrendous, triggering and stressful day. You can get through it, you are strong, you are safe at home.

Can you switch your phone off tonight or if that’s not an option can you try and let it wash over you. There’s nothing anyone can do to change things, it’s out of your control. You have to prioritise yourself.

I work for the council and we’ve just been given funding to create a post specifically to contact the public and encourage them to claim benefits! I don’t really follow the news as it’s depressing but you may be worrying about something that will never happen.

You’re doing great OP. You’ve reached out for help. I was in your place a few months ago, just couldn’t do it any more and I ended up in hospital. My meds were changed, I’m back at work and life, whilst still not easy, is so much better and I do feel optimistic about the future.

Take a few deep breaths, and keep talking to us if it helps. But it’s ok if you don’t want to either.

Thank you xxxx managed to get through to the kitchen and hang up wet washing. Hopefully work is OK tomorrow. I’m trying very hard to not let them know I’m struggling in case they think I’m crap. I’m still new at the job, newly qualified and I’m just tired of always feeling so anxious and worried.

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through and how you've been triggered today. It sounds horrendous, but you're still here and you're reaching out for help. and all the while you're still here, there is the tiniest spark of hope that things can get better. If you don't want to talk to anyone you can text shout on 85258 and someone will text you back.

Crisis rang but she was only on the phone for 5 minutes, said it’s a panic attack and the best cure is to go to sleep. Not sure that’s really helped but I’ll give it a go.

Thank you 🩷 x

It’s better to let your line manager know you are struggling/have a home issue/that you are a carer. Do they have a policy on working and caring? We do. There is support available, but if you stay silent nobody knows.
Nobody will think you are crap. There’s a lot of pressure these days.

I agree, work won't think you're crap because you're having a hard time. Hopefully you managed to get some sleep op.

They have policies, but all the policies just say that it’s managers discretion. They don’t automatically do sick leave, sick pay, bereavement leave, etc etc. I think if I took time off I’d be unpaid. I’m lowest band 5 so I don’t get much as it is, I’m hugely overdrawn which doesn’t help at all. Spending too much money on things I can’t afford. I don’t know.

I went to work today but on the way home I terrified the shit out of myself and ended up on the phone to Samaritans, who kept me until I was safe. I haven’t told anyone in who knows me, how do I?

I did sleep yes, thank you.