Can a counsellor identify narcissism?

[GasPidgeo]

Some time ago I went to counselling with my DP to help resolve issues. There were a few things I felt off about our counsellor but we persisted as I'm fully aware counselling isn't meant to be a nice experience. But after a few sessions the words narcissist, narcissism and narcissistic traits started to get used frequently.

It floored me and my DP who had called.me a narc multiple times occasionally agreed but also defended me. I simply got the vibe the therapist used this phrase like a catch all to describe. For months I was convinced I was a narc and spent ages looking in to it and what I could do to fix myself - evidently you can't according to the web and I spiralled in to another really serious MH episode.

Both NPD and BPD have since been discounted by a couple of MH nurses, another therapist and a clinical pyscatrist.

My whole experience with this therapist was just 'off'. For example when I emailed asking what the homework was I got a reply with words to the effect of 'please be reminded as per our counselling contract I do not work in between sessions'. It was genuinely quite a stern response to a honest query.

Was I right to be put off by this therapist or was I being overly sensitive and I'm an example of a failed client who is unable to see their own faults?

No they shouldn't be calling you a narcissist.

And for the record, whilst a narcissist might consider or ruminate over wether they are a narcissist or not; they wouldn't be driven to do anything about it or endeavour to fix themselves..... so I wouldn't worry about that! You don't sound narcissistic.

Definitely get a new therapist

There's a world of difference between having NPD and having narcissistic traits (the latter we all have to varying degrees.) The fact you felt you might be at fault and were willing to change your behaviour accordingly tells me you don't have NPD. I was raised by an NPD mother who has never, at any time, been at fault. She has never apologised to anyone, ever. If someone suggested she might be at fault she would fly into a rage and that person would become public enemy number one and a target for her bile for the rest of her days. Based on what you've said, I don't rate your counsellor.

Could wanting/tryjhg to do something about myself, and failing or lapsing stil mean I was a narc?

Again, I didn't succeed, or at least I don't think my DP thinks I've got any better. Although I think I have. Maybe that's narcissistic?

Don’t waste your money - they are selling snake oil. Anyone can say that they are a counsellor as the “profession” is unregulated. See the damage that has been done by this person. IME, narcissists would never admit to being one - everyone else is the problem.

Anyone can call themselves a counsellor, even those who got their training from YouTube.

You need to check a counsellor's background and if they belong to a reputable organisation such as BACP.

'Narcissism' is a word flung about a lot on social media. There is Narcissistic Personality Disorder which is quite rare and can only be diagnosed by a psychiatrist and there are narcissistic traits which everyone has.

You were right to question the counsellor and would also be in your rights to ask them to stop calling you a narcissist. However, I would have dropped them when they started using it.

Is there a possibility I used the MH 'card' and feeling low as a means to detract from my failings though? Again, could this be narc behaviour?

Once I brought that up the whole nature of the sessions changed, would this be a knee jerk reaction by them?

They are part of the BACP. I never challenged them nor asked them to stop to be fair. But I did get the impression they really didn't like me. Is that a bad sign that I was being overly sensitive?

Good. I'd contact BACP and make a complaint about being called a narcissist.

I don't think you were being sensitive. Most people don't like to be constantly insulted and criticised.

As someone has said, counsellors can't diagnose so I wouldn't put too much importance on this comment being factual. Have a look at the bacp ethical guidelines especially around non maleficence. Or just look at the bacp website for clients section.

Again, in their defense I can't remember if I was directly called it, or whether the words were traits of narcissism or whatever. So I can't really flame them for something I'm not entirley sure of. But the words associated with being a narc were used frequently. Either way it was bloody awful. I still get a huge anxiety dump when I pass their road!

A good counsellor would never diagnose or label anyone.

Even qualified psychiatrists struggle to identify NPD and BPD sometimes.

I have a relative who very obviously has a severe personality disorder, but as a result, she's an expert liar and manipulator and knows how to appear vulnerable and say the right words to elicit sympathy in others or sidetrack them from the implausibility of her stories.

When she feels a MH professional is "on to her" she stops seeing them and says they are idiots and bullies who don't know what they are doing.

I don't think an actual narcissist could be identified by a counsellor so quickly; they are too good at lying and manipulating. If your DP genuinely thinks you're a narcissist, why is he still there? A true narcissist or borderline should not be in a relationship until they are in treatment. It's unhealthy for the sufferer and dangerous for the partner.

No, they shouldn't be diagnosing you or labelling you. They should be working in a person-centered way. Find someone else who can be positive about you- if they are judgemental then you won't grow.

A counsellor shouldn't be using labels like that. They should explore your feelings and help you decide what these might mean or how you might change your behaviour etc. Using everyday descriptive language, not emotive or judgemental language.

If you felt disliked, that to to me is a bad sign. You should have stopped the sessions.

I had a counselling session once where I felt disapproved of and judged. I never went back, and found a better counsellor instead.