I am nearly 70, single, no kids, nobody who can find, interview, liaise with and handle builders and other workmen for me.
My anxiety is triggered every time I need to book in a workman. I've had so many bad experiences, including being bullied, intimidated and even threatened by a man with physical violence, and two years ago I was conned out of thousands by a "small, friendly family firm of builders".
Now every time I book any man to do anything in my house I start getting panic attacks, shivering all over, dry mouth, feeling tingly and sick, stomach churning and heart palpitations. I also suffer intermittent shaking fits, when my whole torso shakes uncontrollably for hours, and leaves me exhausted.
And yet I must maintain my house! I can't just leave it to rot.
About 18 months ago a workman conned me into letting him sleep in my house overnight, then from the next morning, he refused to leave. He started just walking into my bedroom (ie when I was in bed) and making a string of nasty comments about me. I called the police three times but they would not come. Eventually I went to the police station in person but they said it was a "civil matter" and they would not come and make him leave. They said I would have to apply for a county-court order to get him out, which would take months. In the end a friend and myself lied to the workman, telling him the police were coming, and he packed his bag and left. Since then I have suffered from panic attacks every time I book anyone to work for me.
I was taken for a ride again last week, and then pressured about leaving a review on four websites. So I told the men privately that, to be honest, my reviews would say that the work was good, but not perfect as they had to come back and re-do some bits, and that I felt they had overcharged me. I did not post any reviews. The response was that two other men contacted me and threatened me, accusing me of making up rubbish about their mates just to be a nasty person, and that if I did post anything other than a 100% perfect review, they would make sure that no workman or contractor in our small town would ever work for me again. Then I saw that they had posted lies about me on a local neigbourhood page, saying I had "destroyed the livelihood" of an honest local tradesman just because was a nasty bitch. I went into the mother of all shaking fits and spent half the night awake with anxiety. I reported the post and the mods removed it within minutes, but it had been up for hours. This is a small town and I don't want to be shunned by builders etc as I need them.
I understand now why elderly people live in brand new bungalows or go into sheltered acommodation.
I have always been extremely pleasant and friendly to all my workmen, making them tea and buying them biscuits, and always paying in cash at the end of the day. I have never done anything whatsoever to deserve ill treatment. I have also over the years had many excellent and fair workmen, for example one handyman worked for me for 10 years, another for two, but sadly both retired.
I honestly don't know what to do. I know I need to toughen up - but how?