Can't function, feel so overwhelmed

[thinkIhaveapersonalitydisorder]

I don't knoww where to start with this.
I feel as though the whole world is on top of me, and the only way out is to die. I have been thinking about everything and think that everyone would be better off without me here. My parents donot want to know me, my siblings act as though I do not exist. I have no friends to speak of, and never have had in my entire life. I feel lonely all the time. I have a husband and three sons, three with special needs. My husband and I had a huge fight today, and I feel so messed up, and everything is so hopeless, I can't deal with anything anymore. I feel very mixed up and can't sort out my thoughts to type this out properly, and just don't knowwhat todo anymore. I can't think straight. I have got to look after my ds's now, and husband is refusing to help me for the day. I just want to run away from everything, I know that is selfish and that makes me hate myself even more, and I feel even more useless. I wish I was dead. I want to die so much, I feel compelled to do it, and am just about holding off. No-one would miss me if I wasn't here.

I'm sure your sons would miss you.

You need to get help with this asap. Can you go and see your GP? I'm sorry I don't have much useful advice but I just wanted you to know you aren't alone. Keep posting and talk to us here at MN.

bumping for you.

bump

sorry didnt mean to write bump!

I really feel for you. what sort of SN do your boys have?

Do you and DH usually have a good relationship? Do you get any respite? Are you on ADs? Can you talk to the doctor?

sorry for all the questions....just need more info really.

Your DH and your family need you.

Have you thought of calling social services? I know that people usually associate them with taking kids away but I have a friend who's young son is a major handful, we're not talking just the odd temper tantrum. Husband away a lot and a couple of other children to look after as well as trying to hold down a job. She was refered, it was via her GP but direct might be quicker if your GP is as slow as mine, and the result they offered her, not compulsory - she still had control, respite care for one day a week. I don't know all the ins and outs but this meant that she knew the kids were safe and that it was never more than a few days before she could catch up on sleep, have a bath on her own, drink a full cup of tea. There's a reason exhaustion is used as a form of torture.

dear itihapd

please please get some help.you have really made me think of someone else today other than myself ,i am so sorry you are having a shit time,of course u would be missed more than u know.make an appointment to see your gp asap
am sending hugs to you as i dont have much advice but you must seek help
please keep posting someone will help you i have had some wonderful advice on here today from very kind and caring mumsnetters.they have really got me thru the day.
x

Are you around tonight ?

Hope you are ok.