What to do?

[Herenowwherenext]

Not sure the best section for this so I’ll start here.
I’ve been a single mum since dd was 7. She’s now 18 and has left home. I have no local friends or partner or family and don’t like my job. I also have no garden which upsets me in the summer. I could afford a small house but worry about using up some of my savings, though I would save on service charges etc. I just don’t know what to go for the best, whether to move areas (somewhere a bit cheaper) and take a chance on finding a new job or stay local and look for a new job. I feel so hopeless like I’m just waiting to retire and then at least I’ll escape my horrible job. I’m only 52 though so obviously have many working years ahead.
The thought of a new job scares me as I might not be able to do it, colleagues might not be nice and then I’d end up in a worse position than I am now. I just feel totally stuck over what choices to make

But think of all the things that could go right!! Look for a new job - maybe in a new area you could commute to until you decide to move?

There could be amazing supportive colleagues and enjoyable new challenges in your future - a gorgeous place with a little garden - start looking, start imagining ✨

@AtrociousCircumstance thsnk you. If I move areas then it wouldn’t be a commutable distance . However I could move local to another area nearby ( not quite so nice but I could afford a little house) and then could also look for a new job without risking a time of unemployment. I think maybe moving with no job to go to at my age is quite a risk.

Purely looking at what's in your post, the first thing that strikes me is you're very focused on what's not right - which is understandable and fairly common but not something that's going to help you see possibilities. When you've got so many options it can be hard to start narrowing them down, and if you focus on the stuff you're not happy about it becomes near impossible.

Since there's very little holding you back I'd suggest you take a few minutes to sit down and make a list of things you want in your life - leave the current reality aside, don't think about how realistic your wants are or how you'd make them happen, just the things you want in your life. They can be physical (a garden, a south facing kitchen so you can have breakfast in the sun, purple socks, anything and everything), or emotional (people to share book recommendations with, humour, a support network, feeling challenged or stretched).

Then you start thinking about which ones are absolutes (so you already know not having a garden makes you miserable), and which ones are nice to haves (purple socks?).

THEN you start to narrow down your possibilities. What would your kind of work be paid in different parts of the country? Do any of those areas appeal? What are the housing costs like? If you stayed where you are now, in terms of work and geography, what else would you add to your life to give you the things you need?

A big change is scary but the other way of looking at this is - you have no ties, you are completely free to put yourself first. I also think if your home is truly a sanctuary and just as you want it, it helps you cope with life outside!

I would identify the area you want to live in and then look on Indeed or similar site for jobs around there. If you work for a big company they might even have branches you could relocate to.

You could always rent there for a few months while you find your little house and garden.

I’m excited for you!

Thank you @Gliblet
Well the main things I’d like are a job I enjoy which I don’t dread going to, a garden and I’d like to meet a partner ( but that part is less in my control)! I don’t think I’d like the uncertainty of moving away to a completely area as I’d worry about money while I wasn’t working.
A new job scares me so much though

@SoScarletItWas thank you. I guess I’m lucky that I can pretty much do what I choose!
Renting would not make sense financially and I think risking being unemployed for a length of time would just bring new worries.

Understandable. So it might feel more manageable to look for a house with a garden that lets you stay where you are work-wise to start with. You may find other things become possible after that - you'll have achieved a change, so you may feel more able to achieve other positive changes. You may find your confidence levels increase as your happiness does. You may find yourself more able to ask for what you need in your current job, or more able to look for a new job. You may also find that contentment in other areas of your life makes your job more bearable as you'll be less focused on it.

@Gliblet thank you - wise words

Why is the thought of it all so completely terrifying?! Im now worry that if I move I’ll have noisy/horrible neighbours. It very quiet where I am and everyone is nice.As for a new job, that’s even more terrifying 😟

Because you're focusing on all the things that could possibly go badly, and because that's become a habit what you're not doing is reminding yourself that it's all just made up. When something is familiar we treat it like it's true - that's why the suggestions I made earlier have some structure to them. You can look up all kinds of mindfulness or positive psychology exercises to find stuff that works for you but what they all have in common is providing you with a way to 'scratch the record' of all the thinking routines that are keeping you stuck in place and help shift you to thinking differently. It won't happen overnight but as time goes on it'll start to become easier to recognise it when it happens. Eventually you'll treat the catastrophising with the same kind of amusement or contempt as if someone started planning in detail to survive an alien invasion or making detailed lists of what you'll need to pack when Elvis comes back and says he wants you to come and look after his chickens, because you'll have got used to balancing out the negative possibilities with some realism.

Ypu need a push as well as a pull to change big things like location, house or job. What what your write it sounds as though those things mostly work for you as they are. Could you get an allotment? Could you join a hobby group to get your people? Exercise or WI type groups have regular meet ups that create no pressure ways to build friendships slowly and solidly.

I’m scared of the uncertainty of moving away to a new town plus the stress of how long it’d take to find a new job. Plus I’d have to tell my current a manager as I have to give a months notice and exchange & completion are usually much closer. I don’t want to tell my manager in advance as things could fall through and maybe they could replace me before I’m ready.
Im scared of moving locally in case I have bad neighbours and the house wouldn’t be a nice as if I moved to a cheaper area. But staying local has the advantage that I won’t have a period of unemployment.

So after an unsettled night, I think I’ve worked out I’ll definitely move bu where?
Locally and stay in current job til settled in new house then look for another job the move somewhere else for retirement or
New town, leave job before I go and look for a new one once settled in. Commuting to the current job is is too long a journey. Maybe stay there for retirement.
The end financial result of both is similar assuming I get a new job within a year if I move to the new town.
Any thoughts?

This is partly why I suggested renting. I know you said it didn’t make financial sense and it doesn’t, not long term. But for six months while you get the lie of the land in a new area and find your ideal home to buy.

I would get the job first as you need to keep earning. What do you do? What companies have that role in some places you fancy?

Do you see yourself surrounded by a buzzy vibrant city centre, seaside, rural country, forests and woods? Close you eyes, what do you want to hear, smell? People chatting and city noises or birds?

What’s the best holiday you’ve been on? What was it that you loved there?

It might help to start narrowing things down.

@SoScarletItWas thanks.
I wouldn’t consider renting buy appreciate your suggestion.
Maybe all this points towards a new house in my current area. Then I can find a new job when settled and won’t need to worry about periods of unemployment! Then move away further maybe when I retire.

I would never move somewhere new without renting first.
weve moved to a new area and bought right away. Loved the house but hated the location.
We moved to the village we had our honeymoon in and stayed on holiday for every year for decades. Hated living there! Still the most beautiful place we’ve ever lived but it was a mean spirited village! Luckily only renting so moved to another one and rented till we were sure it was right for us.

it sounds as though you’re pinning down what you want. Hopefully some exciting changes ahead for you.

@ClimbingGreySquirrels thsnks. I can’t bring myself to spend money on rent having been mortgage free for a few years but understand what you’re saying.
i’ll just carefully research if I do move to a completely different area.
i gradually thinking though that a new house close to where I am might be better as I don’t like the idea of worrying about not working. I know I can get more difficult to get job offers in your 50s unfortunately.