My child frequently says they want to die, that they make everyone's life worse and they want to kill themselves. They are almost 10.
They have struggled honestly since birth with emotional regulation. Think crying, screaming, anger, very sensitive, very very low self esteem, being unable to take direction, displine or criticism at all really. They struggle to cope with frustration. It's improved somewhat in more recent years but it is still bad and extremely frequent and their sibling is, understandably, increasingly depressed and angry from living in a house with this much upset.
The closest thing I can come up with in terms of their symptoms is probably attachment disorder.
It can occasionally be a happy home, but I'd say something happens pretty much every day.
It's affected my MH which I think has made it worse or even caused it, as I think I've basically had parental burnout for years. Also, occasionally I've reacted very badly, saying or doing the wrong thing when at my wits end. Last night I said something awful and flippant and immediately took it back but I know it was wrong. I try so hard to stay calm, kind and empathetic but I'm far from perfect. Same with my husband. We are trying our best but obviously it's not enough.
We don't meet CAMHS threshold. GP brushed us off. We work closely with the school (behaviour is ok there but they struggle with some aspects of learning / often zone out and struggle to attend). We have done parenting courses. We have taken them to expensive private SEN assessments. We have tried to notice triggers and pre empty them. We try to encourage them into things that may support self esteem. We are on long waiting list for private counselling.
I'm just wondering if anyone has gone through similar and had any success with anything.
Thanks in advance