Over whelming fear of my child dying

[LouFens]

Hey everyone, I’m new here and this is my 1st post, I struggle with intrusive overwhelming visual thoughts of my child dying, it’s a daily worry to the point when I drop him to school I think “what if this is the last time I see him”. Then I go on to think what if someone broke into the school and committed a massacre how I wouldn’t be there to save him and I picture him worried and scared wanting me. when he is asleep I look at him and think this is what he would look like in his coffin and the list goes on, I also will worry about if I died and how lost he would be without me, I worry so bad to the point it feels like these terrible things have happened, I’ve been to my gp and had councilling and therapy but i can’t shake it off, I’ve been laying in bed silently crying for the last 2 hours worrying and the feeling of fear running through my body so I googled ways to try combat the thoughts and that’s when a mumsnet post popped up so thought I would sign up and see if anyone had any tips for me, I feel like my heart breaks just thinking about losing him, thank you for taking the time to read this, any advice is truly appreciated 💜

I didn't want this to go unanswered. I'm.so sorry that you're struggling with this awful anxiety. I didn't want you to feel alone with this. I've experienced these kind of thoughts before and they feel awful.
I'd suggest trying to remember that they are just thoughts, it doesn't mean that it's going to happen. Thoughts are just thoughts, they are not facts or predictions.
Try using relaxation to help, listen to calming music or sounds, practice relaxing your muscles and slow breathing. Remind yourself that you are in the here and now and your children are safe.
I'd suggest considering further therapy specifically CBT and also possibly medication, it can really help. Speak to your GP again.
I hope you get some sleep

When you have that initial “what if this is the last time I see him” thought try to stop it there, before it spirals. Every thought that follows that one is (simply put) pretending, although there's nothing fun about it.

Sometimes your mind does this to see how you'd cope with a particular set of circumstances - a bit like when we're at the top of a tall building and worry that we might jump; it's precisely that thought and the knowledge of what would follow that makes us take a step back.

Two things you could try. Firstly flip the thought. “what if this is the last time I see him” becomes "I'm going to see him everyday until he finishes his school days" and follow that with a mental image of him at 6ft tall, towering over you but with the same smile you saw today. Then imagine him going to college, in his first job, with a partner, etc, etc.

If you really need to stop distressing thoughts quickly do this. Take a small item - a bottle of water for example - and throw it from one hand to the other and back again, keeping your eyes and concentration on it. This works by forcing the two parts of your brain (the logical side and the emotional side) to work together to stop the item dropping. It will calm you within a few minutes.