Feeling lost

[Lucylu1984]

Hello everyone,

I'm posting here because I don't really have any proper friends to talk to and I just want some solidarity I suppose.
I'm very nearly 41 and basically feel, most of the time, very unhappy with myself.
I feel like I'm suddenly aging really quickly and I've lost myself a bit. My partner is amazing and is always telling me how attractive he finds me but it's ME that's the problem.
I'm an ultra runner so I'm in good shape, I just feel like I'm not a patch on the person I used to be. I've lost a lot of confidence and I can't remember the last time I felt genuinely happy.
I'm wondering if shifting hormones might be an issue given my age but I could cry most of the time every day. I flit between anger, irritation and generally 'meh' with bouts of extreme sadness and nostalgia.
To be clear, I'm very aware that I'm lucky in lots and lots of ways. It's a bit like constant PMS- you know it's happening and why, but you can't turn it off.
Anyway, sorry for the rant and thank you for listening.

Hi Lucy

just stumbled across your post and my first time on here (was searching for pregnancy advice actually!) but anyway I think it’s normal to feel what you are. We will all age and sometimes it’s hard to see that physically/mentally but it’s all part of life. You’ve clearly got a great support structure in your husband, good hobbies such as running etc and maintain yourself. Hopefully you can also consider something that is fun, a little bit different and that might give you some excitement I.e a new hobby, a couples activity with your partner etc.

if you are feeling nostalgic about the past it might help making a year plan for what you aim to do for the year ahead so you have something to look forward to.

There's a book linking mental health with food. You'll basically think you're eating the perfect diet, all the right things, but actually the best diet for brain health is different to say the Mediterranean diet. It's called Change your diet change your mind. Could try and see if anything there rings true for you.

Thank you both for your kind and helpful replies. I will take a look at that book for sure @OrangePeel2 .
For context, my current partner and I are both distance runners and love going away hiking together etc. Everything is on pause at the moment as my poor ex husband has terminal stage 4 cancer and I am doing everything to be there for our 14 year old daughter. My partner is a wonderful step father and is supportive of this.
It's just a very difficult time all round. It's definitely made me look at my own mortality and I suppose the anxiety is overriding everything else...my ex is only 43.

That sounds incredibly hard, and supporting your daughter too. It's very natural to be feeling down and meh and irritable. Keep looking after yourself and your daughter as best as possible, and don't beat yourself up about your feelings. I too have been examining my own mortality a lot recently, so I can understand any anxiety that might be arising. Just do what you can. Lean into your lovely sounding partner at this time.

I’m really sorry to hear that, sounds like you are going through a really difficult time and I can not even imagine how hard that is. I can see how such a situation would make you question your own life, but for your own and your families benefit you need to remain strong and enjoy every day possible, and perhaps through this difficult time having a little journal where you can log some activities, thoughts and feelings might help. I don’t have children yet (one on the way) but I can imagine the mixed emotions you will be feeling and the pressure you are probably applying on to yourself about your own life. Try and focus your thoughts to how you can:

• do something memorable each month with your family
• have a journal for your thoughts and feelings and ideas
• away from the day to day routine of life is there something you and your 14 year old could start together which will be meaningful
• and even with your partner is there something you could both try which gets your mind away
• a kintsugi workshop would actually be great and meaningful!
• perhaps also see a counsellor about this all especially with everything that is happening with your ex husbands health.

I wonder if you're perimenopausal. Maybe get an appointment with a practice nurse?

Thank you, you're all so lovely.
I have spoken with a GP about perimenopause and she offered antidepressants which I'd rather not start at this point, but we'll see. If I need to then so be it!
I think it's hitting harder because I lost my own dad to cancer when I was 8 and now the same thing is happening to my own daughter.
Amongst this, we have moved in with my partner after it just being myself and my daughter. Which is another upheaval (mainly for my little dog!) albeit a positive one.
It just feels like so many people are ill or dying at the moment...just getting to that age I suppose. Two friends have lost their dads in the last 48 hours and a colleague has been diagnosed with the same cancer as my ex.
My main fear is something happening to me and my daughter having neither parent...sounds silly but you know how it gets when your thoughts spiral xx

@GBLeo congratulations on your imminent arrival! What is the workshop that you mentioned? I'm open to most things :)

Thank you!!

A little bit about Kintsugi below - I came across it when I was feeling a bit broken myself!

if you google Kintsugi class there should be some classes that come up near you!

Kintsugi means “golden joinery” in Japanese and is a Japanese technique for repairing broken pottery with seams of gold. This repair work is done using a lacquer or resin that is sprinkled with powered gold. Kintsugi living is about embracing our healing and finding the gold in our scars so that we can use that gold in aid of our own healing and the healing of the world around us.
The Kintsugi philosophy is about being non-judgemental, accepting, and compassionate towards ourselves and others. Kintsugi can teach us how to value the journey of life, how to carry our brokenness well, and how to see the beauty in our cracks and those of others.

Hello OP, I am very sorry you are feeling this way. Unfortunately, mental health is very complex and it is often hard to figure out what is going on as well as what type of medication may help. This may be a temporary thing or may be something serious, but the worst thing you can do is wait it out. I would start therapy if it is available to you.

It is good you have support on your partner and child. Take care. Hugs.❤️

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment and with all the upsetting news going around too it’s no wonder you’re feeling the way you are.

I understand you don’t want to go on antidepressants just yet, I was exactly the same but I hit rock bottom and I kinda wished I went on them earlier. They didn’t work right away for me but soon enough they helped me just see things in a more neutral manner than everything being so negative.

You’re doing so much caring for everyone else, I know it easy to say but try make sure you’re getting some time for you too.

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Perimenopause could be a factor. I was just the same when I started. I woke up one day and realised I couldn’t remember the last time I felt happy. Went to the gp to discuss and burst into tears. She gave me 10mg of citalopram which is a very low dose. After two weeks I woke up and just felt like me again. Given everything you’ve got going on I’d say give it a try.

Thank you lovely women. I've got a prescription for sertraline sitting at Boots waiting for me...maybe I should go and collect it.
I've taken all your advice on board, I'm just feeling very overwhelmed. Also, I work in education which is becoming increasingly more stressful haha!
I do need more time for myself and I need to invest in myself a little more I think.
Thank you so so much xx

I hope you have someone in real life who can give you real hug, that helps a lot.🥰

Get the prescription and start taking it today. It will take a couple of weeks before you start to feel better and you may feel worse before you feel better, but keep going.

Also try and get your hormone levels checked to see if it's peri.

I think my partner is getting fed up with me being down to be honest he is supportive but does sometimes take it personally if I'm feeling low (which is ironic seeing as I support him endlessly when his depressive weeks show up).
Thank you, I will get the prescription before the weekend x

Hi Lucy, how are you doing? Hoping you have felt better the last couple of weeks!

Thank you for checking on me 🥰 I'm doing OK thank you...how are you? Xx

Hi @Lucylu1984- I came across your thread as similar age to you and feeling the same way. How are you feeling these days? Did the AD help?