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I feel anxious about getting exposed even if I confessed my stupid choice to my boyfriend.

6 replies

BeHonestHiker · 24/02/2025 14:37

Hi, I don't know if this has to do with anxiety or something else so I will tell you a story.

I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years now. At the beginning of the relationship, 3 weeks in, I kissed someone else and didn't tell my boyfriend until 3 months ago. He was hurt but we stayed in relationship and after a month he told me that he totally got over that and that he is sure thet he wants everything in life with me. I was relieved and I am so happy in this relationship but I am scared that I can hurt him again or that someone else would hurt him by bringing that up. I don't have direct contact with that group of friends but my brother does, not particularly with that guy anymore but with the people that were the part of that friend group. I make these scenarios in my head that someone would tell him something or that he would for example work with the guy or some people from that time period and that someone will bring this up. I don't know why am I like this and why am I even make these scenarios in my head when he forgave me and we moved on 2 months ago. I don't know how to stop this feeling. My mom said to me that this is stupid and that I have to move past this because no-one even remember this and if they does it is stupid to bring this up after 4 years or more. She said to me that life goes forward and that I can't be scared about everything and everyone and that even if I didn't tell him for my cheating I had to get over it long time ago. For some reason I feel like this isn't even about this thing and it is about my anxiety and low self esteem... I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 24/02/2025 18:41

Have you found yourself getting stuck in such thought spirals/with intrusive thoughts before?

Electricfeels · 24/02/2025 18:44

Have you posted about this before?

pinkdelight · 24/02/2025 18:45

Yeah I feel like I read this same thread on here very recently. Is it a repost?

mynameiscalypso · 24/02/2025 18:48

I've definitely read this before and I think you got lots of good advice on your previous thread

BeHonestHiker · 24/02/2025 20:53

PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 24/02/2025 18:41

Have you found yourself getting stuck in such thought spirals/with intrusive thoughts before?

Yes, it is always something specific that I am not proud about and I sometimes just wish that I had never made any mistake in my life so I can be perfect. I always think about how I am a bad person even if other think that I am really good person.

OP posts:
PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 24/02/2025 21:03

BeHonestHiker · 24/02/2025 20:53

Yes, it is always something specific that I am not proud about and I sometimes just wish that I had never made any mistake in my life so I can be perfect. I always think about how I am a bad person even if other think that I am really good person.

I'm just wondering if you might have a diagnosabe anxiety condition such as OCD. I'm not an expert on OCD but these sorts of thought patterns are typical of it and I know it's very distressing.

I think you'd benefit from therapy, you should have a local NHS service you can self-refer to.
A therapist would help you manage and take control of these thoughts so that they don't control you.

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