Help for anxiety

[Justanothermumtryingherbest]

I have been struggling with anxiety for a while now. It's probably been there for years. However, since about September time I feel like it has taken a hold and I need to try and shake it off.

I want to try and talk to someone first before I even think about the medicine route.

As one of my anxieties is driving related, I would like to try a virtual counsellor.

I don't even know where to begin to find one? Does anybody have one they would recommend?

Thanks

Have you always been a nervous driver or was there a particular incident that triggered it?

Also what are the other anxieties?

As a start it's useful to understand what anxiety is and why we need it in small quantities. This is a good start;

Thank you for the reply.

I guess I have never enjoyed driving but it changed after I had a car accident and now I hate it!

Other anxieties centre around the children being poorly/ hurt / having accidents. Again, accidents that they have had or illnesses that have resulted in hospital admissions have driven this anxiety.

I will look at the video, thank you.

it changed after I had a car accident and now I hate it!

That makes sense - something you didn't like and then you had a very real reason to upgrade that dislike to hate. Has the health anxiety related to the children increased since then?

(Oh, and was the accident in September or was that something else?).

Yes the car accident was in September which was when my anxiety has intensified.

The anxiety relating to my children's health hasn't gotten worse since September, that has always been there but felt more manageable because it often only appears when they are poorly or are in a situation where I think they could get hurt. I do feel I have more of a handle on this one because I don't want to give them my worries so I do bite my tongue and let them be kids and try and chase the thoughts away. Though when they are poorly I seek out others opinions on whether they need to be seen or not as I know I always think the worst. It sounds ridiculous writing it down and I know it is ridiculous which is why I want to stop feeling and thinking this way.

So when the accident happened the part of your subconscious mind that never enjoyed driving (why that is may or not be important; we do lots of things we don't particularly like) had a very good reason to start triggering anxiety in order to keep you safe. Do you know what caused the accident? It's often worse if you don't know exactly what happened, simply because you can't avoid that particular error in future. In any case it's really important to focus on the thousands of times you've driven without incident in order to put the accident into the proper perspective.

With regard to your children you need to understand what role anxiety plays in your day to day life (look at the video again!). It's there to draw your attention to important stuff, so 'chasing thoughts away' is only going to make it shout louder. Listen to the anxiety. Decide if what it's asking you to pay attention to is rational. If it is, say thank you and deal with it. If it's not rational, say thank you and it's OK, I've got this, there's nothing to worry about as I'm in charge.

If this sounds all too 'woo' try this as an example;

When a mother struggles to get her child to go to sleep because the child scream out that there’s a monster under the bed, does the mother quickly grab the child and rush out of the house calling the police to deal with the monster? Of course not!

That’s because the mother knows there isn’t a monster and that those fears are the fears of a child. Whilst we can easily understand why the child has those fears, we recognise they aren’t necessary.

By the same token, there will be times when our mind brings forward fears about something that we know is not warranted or justified. It’s okay that this part has those fears, but it’s important the you knows which fears are appropriate and
which are not. You are the adult in the room.

Hope that helps!

Thank you for taking the time to respond. You have made some really interesting points on how I respond to my anxiety.

With regards to the accident, someone ran into me. I'm not sure exactly what happened but they admitted fault. I think I've found this particularly hard because I've realised that no matter how hard I try to keep myself safe and be careful, these things can still happen. They are outside of my control. I've thought over and over again how I could have stopped it happening and what I did wrong to case it but there really is nothing I could have done.

They are outside of my control. I've thought over and over again how I could have stopped it happening and what I did wrong to case it but there really is nothing I could have done.

It's a sobering lesson when we realise how little is actually within our control, isn't it? What seems to have happened here is that your subconscious mind has decided that, because you can't control what other people do, then the safest option is to avoid driving altogether - ignoring the very real truth that 99% of the time driving is perfectly safe.

It is possible to resolve this by yourself by listening to and reassuring that anxious voice in your head that you are in charge (think of it as a small, worried child tugging at your hand and asking if everything is going to be OK). There's also lots of info on my AMA on remedial hypnosis.

I think it's hard because I am someone who very much likes to be in control. I always struggle and feel anxious when someone else is. I'm not sure where that has come from. I work in an environment where I have to be in control as well so that maybe doesn't help.

I am working on trying to let my husband take over being in control a little. For example, he is completely in charge of our family holiday this year and I am trying so hard not to check he has sorted this that and the other.

It is good to hear that changing the way I handle my anxious thoughts could get me through this. So instead of ignoring them, try and acknowledge the worry and reassure myself like I would if one of my children were worried? Hopefully that shouldn't be too hard as deep down I know I am being unreasonable with my anxieties.

So instead of ignoring them, try and acknowledge the worry and reassure myself like I would if one of my children were worried? Hopefully that shouldn't be too hard as deep down I know I am being unreasonable with my anxieties.

Exactly. Always bear in mind that your subconscious does what it does to try and keep you happy and safe, but it doesn't always get things right (it doesn't have the ability to rationalise in the way your conscious mind does) or it's working on old information which is no longer relevant or helpful.

I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2022 and take medication for it. The anxiety makes me a little breathless which in turn makes me anxious so it becomes a vicious circle. I've found a few techniques that work well for me

1. I tell myself it's anxiety, I've dealt with it many times, I'm going to be fine.
2. I use the pursed lip breathing technique
3. I use the 3 - 3 - 3 technique ( I name 3 things I can see, 3 things I can hear and I move 3 body parts.)

It's not an easy thing to live with but there are a lot of techniques to try to see what works best for you. Good luck.

Thank you for the help! Fingers crossed I can use this to help myself 🤞