Dealing with the impact if Narsasict Ex

[LucyLLou79]

Grateful for any hints and tips, to help my mental health and ongoing relationship with my children.

My ex was a complete narsassist, 9ver the years he ripped my self esteem/self worth and had me confused as who I was as a person. He always made me feel like I was wrong or had over the top thoughts about everything, just because I had some differing view to his. Now we are separated I am much stronger in myself and can see I am not the person he made me out to be. But I am really struggling with the longer term impact thus has has on my kids and how they treat me I have 2 teenage sons, and in general we get on well, but as soon as they don't get what they want or I ask them to do something they do exactly what he did to me and make out I am being ridiculous. Today's example wanting to take my son to the Dr's tomorrow to get him checked over as hes been unwell for 4 days and it sounds lie has a chest infection. But apparently I am being ridiculous 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am fed up with feeling treated like this by those I do nothing but care for and expect nothing more than a bit of help and courtesy. I am recently recovering from cancer and I am starting to wonder if the only way I can be free from verbal abuse like this is to live by myself. I can't believe I am even saying that as my kids are the most important thing to me in the world but I am fed up being treated this way and just want to be happy and free from being treated like this. I feel like I can't escape the legacy of his narsasistic ways. 😢😢

This must be horrible. Would the kids go to family counseling with you?
You could sit them down (turn off the wifi they will come and find you) and really explain that you won’t tolerate it. If they continue doing it I would let them know this is their last opportunity to stop or they will have to live with their dad. Then pack their stuff and change the locks.
It will be very difficult for them to change behaviour they that has been ingrained into them, unless they want to. Unfortunately you have to put them in a situation where either stay with their dad and treat him like that, or make an effort to change.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I am to scared to do that as worry I will loose my children all together.

Yet again tonight my son is having a go at me, this time over the choices I have made for home cooked food. Telling me it's up to him what he eats and doesn't want what I am making for the 3 of us (even though it's all meals they've ikea and previously enjoyed). Ordering me to buy him steak, chicken and mince and he will male his own. Sometimes I feel I should just stop bothering altogether. It's so wearing everyday.

You're over reacting, none of whwt youve written is narcissistic behaviour Your dc sound old enough to make their own decisions about the Dr's and what they want to eat. Let them cook their own meals as long as they tidy up after themselves too.

Just try to be on your own side. Some things are negotiable—food—and some things aren’t —doctors visits. Tell the boys not to be dismissive of you or speak to you rudely. Set aside time each week for planning snd discussion. Model good, respectful ,adult communication.

Thanks, I know I am probably overreacting a little because of the impact my ex has had on me. Didn't mean to suggest my kids were narsasictic, more learned behaviour of how to get their own way. And I know teenagers push the boundaries. It just feels relentless, maybe it's impacting as I am now predominantly bringing them up on my own but he still has such an influence