Im trying to figure out why i feel this way and looking at my past just makes me feel worse

[ssd]

I feel lonely a lot of the time. I feel i don't have meaningful connections to a lot of people. Its related to my health anxiety somehow i feel.
Anyway im doing a sort of time line to uncover how i feel the way i do.
But its just upsetting me , i dont know how to move past this feeling.
Its just making me feel worse and i can see no solution.

Has anyone any advice on how to see a situation more positively when there's no positives in it?

How do you feel it's related to the health anxiety? Are you worried you will catch something? And what is your timeline (great idea BTW!) telling you? When did it start.

There are always positives, because there are always changes happening - statistically 50% of those will be good.

I'm scared to get something and die and leave my kids as lonely as me. And I'm scared dh dies first and leaves me even lonelier. So every health issue becomes a catastrophe right away.
I feel my issues are all mixed up together.

This has been a long running problem for you, hasn't it? (Or am I mixing you up with someone else - if so, my apologies). Have you had any therapy and if so, what sort (and did it help)?

The truth is that yes, one day you will die. You can either spend the intervening time worrying about it or you can take steps to change the way you think and live your remaining years to the full.

Are you doing the time line on your own? That's really hard, it's something that ideally you'd want to do with a therapist.

I'm doing it mainly on my own but with some input from a friend who is training to be a counsellor.

Hi @Eyesopenwideawake , yes we have spoken before, unfortunately i couldn't respond to your treatment, i was gutted about that! I've tried CBT, talking therapy, schema therapy, bought books about anxiety and listened to podcasts too (love The Anxiety Guy)...

Am still waiting for a breakthrough. You are so right in what you said. I just seem to go down into a dark place with this but i really want to change my thoughts.

Its just so hard.

I have a gp appointment next week, i tried setraline before but had bad side effects so im possibly going to try citalopram. I need something to lift me up a bit and quieten my brain.

@ssd I am lying here in bed thinking about how lonely I am. I am alone at this precise moment but I would feel this lonely in a crowd.

I traced my issues back to my family. No abuse or anything sinister, I was just never 'heard' or even 'seen'. The youngest of 6 with an 8 year age gap between my last sibling. They were all very close in age then there was me. A young one, not valued/not special/not worthy.

I worked this out myself when talking about it to a friend. I then looked at the inner child. Answered a lot of questions for me.

Rather than work your way back through the timeline ,
if you're finding it hard, I suggest you ask yourself ‘when was the first time I remember feeling like this’? . That can be very revealing. What does dying and what does being alone mean for you? Start to unpick that. Write down what associations being lonely has for you. Don’t overthink it, just write down whatever comes to mind. Think of it like a tree. When you have a number of words, what do those words mean for you, so that is another branch. Keep going with it .You can utilise words, colours shapes and sounds. Think about how your body feels . With each word, close your mind and connect with the feeling . Where is it in your body, does it have a shape or colour, what would it say to you if it could speak? What does it need? The answers can be surprisingly illuminating. It may help you unravel some things.

There are always positives to be found, the trick is to reframe the situation.
Let's say I (not you) ballsed something up. I could mull over the situation and get down about it: negative, negative.
Or I could own my mistake and use it as a lesson to learn from with a view to never doing it again: negative, positive.
I have contact with a lot of people on a daily basis but I'd be hard pressed to describe any of them as 'meaningful connections.' Pleasant and friendly yes but 'meaningful', nah. This doesn't bother me because I'm happy with pleasant and friendly. You may need to lower your bar somewhat to avoid disappointment.
Loneliness is a scourge of modern society. But psychologists say that a person who can be alone without undue distress is a mentally strong person. Another positive.

It all comes down to how we frame things.
Personally, I always frame things in terms of how much worse they could be. So let's say I'm dealing with a shitty situation. I think of the ways it could be worse and then I can tell myself "well, at least X or Y isn't the case here because it would be 100% worse." That turns a negative situation into a more positive situation and makes it easier to deal with.
I hope this makes sense.

I completely get that feeling of not having meaningful connections. I feel like that myself a lot of the time. In general I don’t think modern life is spiritually sustaining in any way. I would ask yourself what it is you really want . Close friends? What would that look like and what would you talk about? Helping others? How would that look? Starting some kind of spiritual exploration? How could you go about that? More connection with nature? Start small and try to do at least one new thing every week. Challenge yourself, push the boundaries . Start to get out of your rut.

Thank you, i will try this