burn out - has anyone experienced it?

[GiveMeStrengthAndVodka]

I am having a pretty crap time of things at the mo and just a little unsure of where to turn.
I have a lot going on in life.

I just don't seem to be able to get on top of the house which always makes everything feel so much worse. I don't have particularly high standards so I am not trying to make my house look like a show home. I would just like the dishes to be done and not always to be tripping over stuff. It sounds ridiculous but between work and then cooking tea, doing bed time etc I never seem to be able to get it all done. The more depressed I get the worse the house gets and less energy I have to tackle it. Every time I go to do anything, another 3 tasks need to be completed in order to do that one tasks - like yesterday I went food shopping, went to put it all away and there was so much crap in the fridge that had gone off or things had been spilt and no one had cleared them up. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one who sees the mess. I repeatedly ask my family to help and they chip in here and there but they could be doing a lot more. The nagging itself is exhausting. I have tried not doing stuff for people but it just backfires and ends up creating more work for me in the long run or transfers the mess somewhere else which isn't fixing anything.

My health is crap - I am trying to lose weight and failing despite sticking to a calorie deficit and weighing/tracking everything I eat. I probably need to move more but I have a problem with my foot which is becoming more and more painful.

My job is just sucking my soul out of me.

My eldest child is going through some really challenging MH issues at the moment and needs a lot of support. I have other kids and a toddler and I am just frazzled. I feel like I have nothing left to give. My toddler is picking up on it and just wants to climb all over me all the time and be in my space which makes me snap and feel guilty. I feel completely tapped out with him touching me all the time.

I just have nothing left, no resilience to anything. I feel miserable. I probably should say something to my manager at work but I feel ashamed. I feel like I might need to go off sick and just have some space to try and get a grip of things but I don't know if i am being ridiculous.

Just a thought - could you rope your eldest in as your 'deputy' and put them in charge of the kitchen? Having a responsibility and set jobs might help with their MH issues and they may develop an interest in cooking or baking. Possible?

He will help a bit but only if I set out tasks and then nag. His chores are the dishwasher and recycling.
He's gone out with friends and not bothered to do them and i doubt he will be back until late. In order to clean the rest of the kitchen I will now have to do his chores. There's a similar theme in that people do a shit job of everything so half the time I tell them not to bother.

I ended up taking the toddler upstairs this afternoon and sleeping. I just didn't want to be awake any more.

Oh lovie 😥

I hope you are able to tell your partner/DH how you feel. If not is there anywhere you can go with your toddler for some respite?

I often see the book Atomic Habits recommended for exactly this feeling. It's about making tiny, doable changes that build up over time. It might be a great place to start. There's lots of info online, on YT etc to get a feel for it.

No where we can go, I'm not very close to my family as I took a step back from some toxic behaviour.

I have some work that's quite urgent this week that I would really leave them in the lurch with if I didn't meet deadlines, I think once that's done I'm going to go off sick for a few weeks and try and rest and mend my head.

@Luckingfovely funnily enough I ordered that book on Saturday as I saw someone on tiktok talking about it so that gives me some hope that it might help.

It's 8pm. I haven't cooked dinner. House is a pigsty. Need to feed the toddler at the very least and get him to bed.
Dp made us a big lunch before he left for work so that's kept us going all afternoon. I just feel like even after a nap I've got no motivation or energy to cook.

For now, just be gentle with yourself.

You're clearly exhausted and need a proper break.

In the absence of that, try and let go of expectations and just focus on the absolute essentials.

This too shall pass. Even when, speaking from long experience, it feels impossible.

The only constant in life, is change.

Hi, I’m in a very similar situation and last year went to counselling as well. I’m not 100% back to normal by any means but one thing my counsellor pointed out is that I had to make time for myself, somehow.

For me not being by myself ever creates a lot of stress too: I’m either at home with my DD or at work surrounded by people. My commute is the only 10min I have alone. It’s just not enough and my home never seems clean (it is clean, just constantly messy from DD being at home using everything 24/7).

My counsellor suggested as an idea to either go to early to work and stop at a cafe by myself beforehand (I tried but pointless as the only cafe opens 20min before work starts) or extend my lunch time so that I could go somewhere.

I’m considering asking for flexible time so that I could add about 30 min to my lunch time, maybe.

I work from home a lot amd when I feel down barely get dressed or leave the house. It's a vicious circle. I keep trying to force myself out for walks but failing.

My little one is in bed. Now the oldest with the mental health problems needs me. He's venting and going through all his health anxiety with me which is whst his therapist told him to do before bed so he doesn't lay in bed worrying. It's just very tiring to be needed all the time by everyone.

I have had it OP.

In one year, I lost my gran, moved from an EU country back to the UK, had to move house 3 times in 8 months, had no friends, was trying to keep my head above water at work, family was all falling out. I was burned out. I remember crying in church over something really random and stupid, when really I was just scared, and tired. I just needed support really.

I had counselling, started to feel much better.

I then got hauled in for a meeting in church and was torn apart and made to feel like scum for my 'irrationality' and seeking care and gentleness. I am now pretty heartbroken.

So sorry to hear about your situation. Burnout is real.

Have you considered you might have ADHD? I'm not sure how old you are, but hormonal changes can make symptoms a million times worse. I'm an absolute mess with perimenopause.

I'm so sorry to hear you're having a shitty time, I'm in a similar situation and it is so so hard.

Long story short of it is my OH has a degenerative chronic illness which makes him bed bound therefore unable to help out with our toddler or anything really. No other family support either!

If I'm not at work (demanding job) I'm taking care of my LO and have no time on my own ever. It's constant - trying to keep my LO happy, fed, played with, (but then feeling touched out he's climbing all over me, I've got bruises from this) make sure the house is kept at least clean, being up during the night with my LO, dealing with all the nursery illnesses/getting out of work when they go ill at nursery, dealing with the tantrums, up at 5am with the toddler each morning, ensuring my step child is looked after every other week they are here, all school/nursery runs, keeping the dog walked, the emotional/mental toll of my OH's illness, to top it off my LO has some additional needs and is developmentally delayed. I've probably missed a load in between but every hour of the day is accounted for.

I think we need consistent time on our own to relax or do something for ourself each week away from everything but when you've got no help and so much responsibility then realistically when can you find the time? It is so tough and I wish I had more of a helpful answer OP.

Currently awake as my LO has a nasty cough & cold that keeps waking him.

Just wanted you to know you aren't alone and I feel you.

@Treesinthewind I have dyslexia and a lot of the symptoms overlap with ADHD so it wouldn't be surprised. My sister and middle child both have it too.

I have logged on to work today and just keep falling asleep even though I slept through the night and managed to oversleep. It feels like my brain can't perform even the most basic of tasks right now and keeps shutting down into sleep mode.

Thank you for the kind words of support. I went away for the weekend for a hen do, I knew no one apart from the bride so I have been masking all weekend and I think its completely pushed me over the edge. I had fun don't get me wrong but I am quite an awkward person and end up not being myself so I don't out myself as a complete weirdo. I was so drained by the time I got home, I cried most of the way back. Then put the happy mum mask back on and walked back into a shit tip of a house and began to clean it.

Sorry that lots of you are also experiencing the same or similar.x