Pregnancy depression

[Icecreamsundaee]

Hi,

Please be kind as im here to get somenoutside opinions but also very sensitive.

I live abroad with my husband and 2 kids (8 & 5). I moved from the UK in 2020 and struggled with my mental health as i felt very lonely even though the country was very accommodating to expats, it just wasnt anything i was used to.

Fast forward to 2022 my husband had to relocate due to his contract ending so we all had to move despite me making friends and routine and settling in etc. We are now in another country slightly less expats and hardly any english speakers but i learnt from prior experience and decided to work straight away to get my mind off everything.

I did eventually settle in and drive and started to feel like home. In 2024 i took the year off work due to wanting to spend time with the kids and some minor health issues in my part, it wasn't the best decision in hindsight as i was falling back into feeling alone and purposeless in a foreign country.

I spent most of the year traveling back to the uk to see family and friends and the rest interviewing for new jobs. I finally got a start date for work and looked forward to it for the rest of the year. After working only 1 month I fell pregnant and had to leace immediately as I have hyperemesis gravederium (extreme sickness) and Im unable to work due to this condition.

I have a history of my pregnancies taking a tole on my mental health, and this one has been no different. I do nothing but be sick and visit my dr. Im far away from family and my husband works very hard and often travels for work though hes had permission not to from now until i give birth... I don't see him as im weak and exhausted from not eating im in and out of sleep the entire day. Usually asleep when he comes home.

My question is im just getting by but im in a bad way and i feel like my life is onhold for months till i give birth and even beyond that i dont want to stay home, but everyone thinks im crazy to want to start work when baby will only be 3months old.

Im really scared for postpartum depression and i have all the red flags going off. I just want routine and social interaction. There are no baby groups or mum grouos in this country... No English speakers unless you go to work to meet these people.

What would you do in my position please, any advice is appreciated.

Bump

Advice or thoughts appreciated, feeling really low at the minuite.

Is there no way you can all return to the UK? Or you return to UK with the children and him split his time between the 2 countries? If you barely ever see him anyway then you may as well be at home with friends and family and just see Husband when he's on leave x

It might be better to report your post to MN and ask for it to be moved to the Mental Health section. I hope you get some helpful responses.

@Wavescrashingonthebeach I've thought about this and honestly wish i could whether dh likes it or not. His day off today and still not getting prioritised, he told me "he will spend time with me this afternoon", i will by then be asleep and i didn't bother asking what hes doing. I've been in tears for the past 2hours. Im starting to despise him and trying to remind myself im hormonal. But its going from resent to hatred.

Dh1 is neuro divergent with his biggest problem being language disorder but is somewhere on the spectrum also. He is in a good facility here where he gets 1:1 therapy and is way better than what would be provided back home. Paid for by dh and his work benifits. Thats really all that's keeping me here.

@OldChairMan thanks, I'll defo give e that a go.

I was depressed during both my pregnancies, and was offered antidepressants. I didn't take them, but have friends who did, and there are no adverse effects on their babies. I was also offered sleeping meds, so that is an option if needed. I had another small baby, so couldn't take the meds as she didn't sleep.

If you don't want to take meds whilst pregnant you could start after the birth, so that you feel better afterwards. I felt so diff after starting sertraline after having my second. I was able to breastfeed, if this is a concern.

If you want to go back to work after 3 months, that's fine. Other people's opinions don't really matter. Doing what you need to be well, is what is important. Lots of people have done this - mat leave was much shorter in years gone by.

@BlwyddynNewydd thank you for sharing your experience. I have taken sertraline before and had a horrible reaction to it and kept getting panic attacks. Then tried again years later it did keep my anxiety at bay but i stopped using it as soon as i started working as i found i was feeling better.

I am considering it soon as i give birth if i still feel this way as i honestly feel ive hit rock bottom on most days. As for going back to work, i shouldn't care about what others think and i really dont. Its just my mum and dh who remind me everyday that the babynwill be too young and how financially we arent in need so i should be grateful and not leave baby as most people would die to be home longer with baby.

And apart of me is scared i will see how small baby is and change my mind, so im scared to apply for jobs as im a teacher and its not fair on me to pull out last minute or halfway when i realise its too soon for me.

Im just hoping things get better, i honestly wanted to unalive myself at some point in my 1st trimester but i think my hyperemesis gravederium was at an all time worse. Not i dont feel that way but im constantly crying and feeling like the world is ending.

Can i ask did u feel better after giving birth or did it turn into ppd.

I think it's citalopram that they give in pregnancy, and switch to sertraline after the birth.

I did feel better after the births, but with hindsight I would have taken meds straight away to be honest.

I had the babies 16 months appart, and can see now that I wasn't okay at all. I took the sertraline when the youngest was 10 months. Within weeks I felt so much better. The health visitor was visibly shocked at the improvement. She'd only seen me low, and I was completely different.

Maybe a good option is to try the meds now, and see if your mood lifts. That way, you'll have a better idea of how you will be feeling afterwards. And whether meds are going to help how you feel.

It's so difficult to make decisions when you barely depressed, and also feeling physically unwell. Do any of the expats out there have English speaking nannies that you can meet up with? That would be company while you are home with the baby.

Can any of your friends/family come and stay over the first few months. So that you are not so lonely after having the baby?

Oh bless you, what a predicament. Really hope you get sorted. And if wanting to go back to work 3 months pp suits you then go for it!! X

@Icecreamsundaee your depression is really being fuelled by your circumstances. At the moment you are pregnant, ill and largely alone. Your only social outlet is through employment, which is putting you under pressure to leave a baby you might not be ready to leave. I would really look at moving home. Do you have family and friends who will support you? You can spend time with them, go to parent and baby groups etc.

I think you need to have a proper chat with your husband about this. You've clearly sacrificed a lot for his career, it sounds like it is time to do the same for your wellbeing.