Boyfriend pushing me away with his mental health

[Chutney86]

I posted on another thread and got mixed comments back.
So my OH was admitted to hospital 4 weeks ago with suicidal thoughts after my pregnancy scare. He has always had anxiety and was on sertraline and this event apparently pushed him over. Hes 41 for context.
I decided to try and stick by him going through his bad time and be as supportive as i can.
As weeks have went on, his family have been very distant with me when before they would have said i was part of the family. My OH is now telling my im making him nervous as in giving him anxiety. When i bring up our relationship as hes basically pushed me away he says he doesnt want to deal with confrontation.
I feel very hurt as all i have done is try and support him.
Has anyone any advice?

Yes put yourself first and go it alone; I wish you luck.

So why do you want to be with this guy?

on the face if it he has made your difficulty into his massive trauma.

plus you seem unduly concerned about what his family think of you.

“Doesn’t want to deal with confrontation” generally = spineless waster.

Take a step back OP and just concentrate on yourself for a bit. Think carefully about whether you want to be with someone who reacts so badly to a pregnancy scare. It doesn't sound like their mental health is up to a relationship.

Doesn’t sound like he’s well enough to be in a relationship. How long have you been together?

A year

Wave him off.

Honestly, he’s not ready and not fit to be in a relationship. You’d be doing him a kindness.

He sounds very fragile. Is he under the Crisis Team?

What are you trying to bring up regarding your relationship? He's telling you that he can't deal with anything right now and needs to focus on his mental health.

It can take a while to recover from a suicidal episode.

“I decided to try and stick by him going through his bad time and be as supportive as i can“

I don’t mean to be critical, and maybe you just worded it badly - but if it’s a “decision” rather than an overwhelming instinct and desire then probably best for you both to move on.

Sorry, yes bad wording. I obviously love him and want to try and help support him, but i dont know how

You back off. I presume you don’t live together. He’s unwell and needs professional help. You can’t cure him.

No, we dont live together. Hes getting professional help and is on a few different meds. He doesnt want to leave the house most days.

What do you mean by 'pregnancy scare'?

Did you suspect you might be pregnant and it sent him into a blind panic? Or are you currently pregnant but thought you might be losing it? Why is the pregnancy issue (whatever that is) relevant to the state of his mental health?

He is pushing you away. So stay away for now. He’s not well enough to deal with you or this relationship.

I thought i might have been. He previously told me he would be happy in the future for us to have a child. The scare apparently induced a lot of stress for him.

So no contact? Leave him be?

I say this kindly, run, get out of there. You have your whole life ahead of you. Get out there and have fun! You sound young, you do not need to be responsible for this. I'm saying it with love as the parent of kids your age. Go out and do whatever you want to do!

Honestly, I have every sympathy for people with mental illness:

I am one of those people, I’ve been to the pits and back again. And I never acted like your partner.

The red flag here is that he is pinning his in-patient stay on your pregnancy scare. Which is mad, pregnancy scares are completely common for young folks of child bearing age.

secondly and very importantly, you are doing 90% of the emotional grunt work here. Is he stewing away wondering how to make this relationship work? No? There’s your answer. Chuck this one back.

Ok. Sounds to me like when he said he'd be happy to have children with you in future, he thinks you took that as a green light to try to get PG now. You aren't PG, but thinking you might be has scared the shit out of him and sent him into a mental meltdown. He doesn't sounds like someone who is in an ideal place to be a reliable partner and father anyway. If just thinking you might be PG is enough to trigger a MH crisis where he's hospitalised, just imagine what sort of state he'd be in if you were actually pregnant.

It doesn't sound as if he wants to be in this relationship any more. He's basically blaming you for the delicate state of his mental health so leave him to it, let his family support him. You look after yourself from now on.

Sorry but if at the age of 41, his girlfriend having a possible unexpected pregnancy is enough to hospitalize him with suicidal ideation and send him into a mental health spiral for weeks, he is simply not equipped to deal with having a relationship, let alone parenthood.

Leave. If he can't handle thinking you're pregnant he should be using condoms.

Get out before you end up a single mum with an abusive ex partner. What he's saying is emotionally abusive.

It doesn’t sound like he necessarily wants you to stand by him and be there for him. In which case there is absolutely nothing in it for you, so you can be at peace with parting ways.