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To still be traumatised after a nightmare tenant moved out

6 replies

Laralou999 · 10/02/2025 20:41

I know that landlords don’t tend to do well on here, but here we go.

We are not property empire type landlords, my husbands parents bought a flat in his name as an investment when he was younger that’s rented out. It’s generally cost us money after rent, but the idea was long term it would make money in housing value.

In Oct 2023 we decided to sell it as it was too much hassle and we were having to top up the monthly payments to cover the mortgage and bills. We agreed for a family friends friend to move in on a short term basis, providing she keep it clean and allow viewings, which she did. Our massive gigantic mistake was not verifying her finances. We knew she’d sold a house 2 years prior for around 400k and she had a job, and given the personal connection we assumed it was fine.

2 months in she loses her job and doesn’t pay her rent. Keeps saying she will pay, can she have a bit longer etc. Says she is ill and having operations. We are very understanding and assume it is legit. We later learn that this is her second time doing this to a landlord, and despite the fact she had a family member who was happy for her to move in, she wanted to live in her own place and refused to move out the property. All the while we are covering all bills and mortgage. It gets to the point where we have to get solicitors involved and start the court process. In the end we have to pay her cash to move out as having somebody removed from a property can take over a year, the whole ordeal costs us around £15k. It’s not an exaggeration to say it very almost bankrupt us, and we have two nursery aged children. Because we didn’t do the usual checks on her, it couldn’t be claimed on landlord insurance.

The whole fiasco was at the same time in the run up to our wedding. We almost cancelled it because of the money but didn’t want to lose the money we’d already paid. We also had a buyer on the flat but we had to pull out and take the property off the market, as you can’t process a sale with a squatter in situ. Because of the stress of potentially going bankrupt, not being able to pay our mortgage etc, I was unable to sleep properly and started having really bad brain fog and memory issues (I’m 32). The brain fog has lifted, but the memory issues are still there and it scares me if it’s like this at my age. I went to the Drs but they couldn’t find a cause. I feel like the stress has almost caused part of my brain to stop functioning.

I just can’t get over that somebody could just steal from a young family like this? I’d understand if she was going to be homeless but she had somewhere to go (it’s where she’d lived before she came to our place).

Im just so angry, and I can’t move on from the fact that she took so much joy away from our wedding, the money we’ve lost and the fact that she’s potentially damaged my health for life. And there are absolutely no repercussions for her, nothing.

Any advice on how to let it go or move on would be much appreciated, thank you.

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 10/02/2025 20:46

How long is it since this resolved? It does take time to get over a stressful situation, and this sounds very stressful.

In terms of moving on, it might be helpful to talk to someone. There's a lot to consider. You were treated very badly. You also made some unwise choices and that can be hard to process too. Would you consider talking to someone, either someone close to you or someone professional? Talking can really help with the processing of difficult experiences, but it needs to be honest and supportive so be realistic about whoever you choose to open up to.

tellitonthemountains · 10/02/2025 20:50

Have you told the family friend how she behaved?!

Candlesandmatches · 10/02/2025 20:55

Maybe it would be helpful to work through it with someone.
we have had similar with a tenant. Ultimately the tenant/landlord relationship holds risk and is also a business relationship.Our tenant didn’t pay for months in full. Made a crack in the bath which leaked into the flat below - we had to pay for the bath repairs and the repairs to the flat below. There were many more issues.
Its super frustrating. But now this person is gone and I won’t have to deal with it anymore.
We don’t rent to anyone who doesn’t have a guarantor. And also proves they can really afford the rent.
thats the most mitigation you can do really

Laralou999 · 10/02/2025 21:08

Thanks @verycloakanddaggers , I definitely think a therapist would help when finances allow. Probably the poor decisions on my part are half the anger. She left September 24

@tellitonthemountains he is dead (died before the arrangement), but we knew of her from before he died

@Candlesandmatches how did you get them out! We have a seller now so hoping it’s the last time we have tenants

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 10/02/2025 21:43

You made the decisions based on the information you had at the time and in good faith based on the person you believed her to be. You did nothing wrong and I think most people would have done the same.

You have a choice now. Let her continue to live rent free in your head or draw a line under everything and move on with your life. You will never have the answers so the only thing you can do is to stop asking the questions.

Quitelikeit · 10/02/2025 21:48

Some people are just pure scum and it sounds like you met one of them!

Tbh if that was my house I would have waited till she went out, changed the locks and packed her stuff up and dropped it at her relatives house!

She was just a disgusting chancer!

Don’t give her any more headspace as currently she is living in your head rent free (the irony)

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