TW: Self-harm. How do I overcome this?

[Imwussgetmeouttahere]

I've significantly injured myself again. Please can anyone who has come out the other side of SH tell me how you managed to stop?

It's a habit I've had since my teens, to some degree. It was milder then. Full blown cutting now and even carving terrible words. I'm so ashamed. I have always hidden it, but my partner knows now because it escalated last year. I couldn't hide it anymore and I was pushing him away physically.

I paid for a course of counselling. It helped a little. I learnt some techniques to delay, but I didn't manage to stop. The counselling has now ended. The SH has become worse again. I just hate myself. I've no respect for myself at all, no confidence, nothing. I'm now in my 40s. I've no idea how to fix this.

I haven't but I couldn't read and not reply. What caused you to start hurting yourself in your teens? There's a part of your subconscious which thinks that this is good idea, whether to release pain or because there was no other way of expressing feelings. Please have a look at my AMA on remedial hypnosis as there's lots of information about how our minds work on there.

Thanks for replying to me. It started in response to an aggressive parent. It's made me a very quiet introverted people pleaser.

I'm on medication for depression.

One of my children has ADHD. I'm nothing like my parent, but when my child is difficult to manage, I feel like a terrible parent if I need to raise my voice or instill consequences. This is a trigger, but so is just general life stress. I don't have the capacity to handle the usual life events appropriately. I think I can handle physical pain ok, so I turn mental pain into a physical pain to make it manageable.

I'm hard on myself. I'm not even sure that after all these years I'll even be able to stop. It feels like an addiction now.

After a couple of decades of SH by cutting (I've found other ways now, unfortunately), I read about using a red marker pen instead. It worked for me.

Hi OP are you able to speak to anyone in your life about this like a friend or family member?

Could you speak to your GP about getting some more counselling?

Remember Samaritans and Shout are always there if you need to speak to someone and can help you feel less alone.

Thanks @BountifulPantry I can't tell anyone in my life. I'm too ashamed.

I've used Shout before. It's a good service, just so busy, I'm not very good at delaying the SH, it's quite impulsive.

I'll have a think about what I can do next. Thank you to all that have replied.

There are definitely options - remember you aren’t alone xxx

I know you are a 40-odd year old person, but have a look at the Childline website, for some ideas about coping but also for links to other services. One such is called Harmless, and there is also the National Self-Harm Network-it’s not meant only for under 18s and there is useful stuff on there. It seems from what you say that you know self-harm can be a way of coping with feelings, and you have had some success thinking about those feelings. Stopping is hard, so maybe think about hurting yourself more safely, using clean instruments and looking after your wounds (and getting help if you need it for wounds). The places I’ve suggested will help with ideas for things to do that aren’t self-harm, and you might have to try a few to find something that works. I wish you the best.

Could you replace the pain of cutting with another pain that is not so damaging. Cold water swimming?

You sound like a really good person. Please try to get expert help with this.

So I transitioned to an elastic band and then eventually stopped.

ADHD diagnosis helped in understanding myself and why I get so overwhelmed with my emotions and how to manage this.

I’m not sure I can say I’ve stopped for good but I’m a year ‘clean’ now so it’s certainly not my go to coping mechanism. No one thing helped me, it was a combination of things over many years, but the big thing I suppose is that I recognised things weren’t okay and finally accepted and co-operated with the help available and didn’t just dismiss it. Anti-depressants (sertraline) did help stabilise my mood. Seeking my Autism & ADHD diagnoses helped with my feelings of self worth and made me better understand myself. I had two rounds of NHS therapy (CAT and EMDR) plus private counselling and I committed to them even when it was hard or felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. It’s been a long process and I don’t know for sure I won’t relapse but things are much better than they have been for most of my adulthood.

I’m coming up to two years (in May) from last cutting, although I have had some urges which have resulted in scratches, digging my nails in etc.

I have a list of things that I have to work through before I let myself do it. Sensible things like going for a walk, hot showers, meditation, exercise…and not to sensible like smoking a cigarette (I don’t smoke but have some for when I ‘need’ them) or pinching. It stops me from being impulsive and just makes me a bit more mindful of it.