DH mental health

[Doremisofarsogood]

Hi all, just struggling and wondering if anyone has any advice. DH has struggled with his mental health for a long time. He told me he was on anti depressants after a year (this was about 12 years ago) and since then he's been yo-yo-ing. He's tried medication and come off it, tried therapy and didn't like it. He drinks a lot to "get him through life". I'm constantly treading on eggshells around him as I never know what mood he'll be in and what might set him off. Tonight he literally screamed in our daughter's face over something that I deemed as trivial (she hadn't turned off the TV when asked) then accused me of not being firm enough. I've had it with him, I told him he needs to sort his issues out and not take them out on us. He's been sitting crying and has gone to bed. I really do try to empathise with his issues but it's so hard to live with the constant uncertainty. He doesn't seem willing or able to help himself. Me and my daughter just have to suffer the consequences. How do other people manage in this situation? I feel like we're always making sure he's ok and that we're not annoying him or making him angry but it's to the detriment of us as a family unit. Really not sure what to do

You are not being unreasonable at all.

Its not his fault that he is suffering from poor mental health, but he needs to take responsibility for his recovery and engaging in services that can help him.
Im sick of people using poor mental health as an excuse to treat others like crap.

Thank you, it's good to hear that. I often feel I'm not supporting him and his poor mental health when in reality he needs to take responsibility for it and not take it out on us. I would leave him but I really don't want to think of my child being with him when he has these outbursts without me to protect her.

If you haven’t already, I would lay it on the line and tell him. “Your behaviour doesn’t just affect you, it affects us too, and you either get and accept the help you need, or I will be reevaluating this marriage “.

I've said that to him before and he says he can't help it and he'll do better. And he never does. He came off his medication but had no alternative to try and help himself. I just put up with so much as it's his mental health. But what about mine and my daughter's? I don't know what the answer is, apart from leaving him, which would be worse as my daughter would be on her own with him every other weekend without me to protect him from his behaviour.