Health anxiety over myself and children- a cry for help

[miniworry]

I'm at rock bottom and can't deal with my health anxiety anymore l, it's honestly taking over my life and stopping me enjoying my two gorgeous children. I need help and I don't know where best to turn-

I'm so petrified of losing them that I think any small thing that is wrong with them is cancer and they are going to die, or that I have cancer and I will leave them. I found a movable lump on my DSs clavicle last night and that cold fear drained over me. I obsessively googled all night last night, convinced myself he had lymphoma and I still haven't really eaten. Even after taking him to the doctor today (who said it appears a harmless cyst) I felt fine for 10 minutes now I'm worrying if he was wrong.

Part of my rational brain knows it's health anxiety but then I say to myself don't ignore it; this time it isn't. And so the cycle continues I'm on 50mg sertraline but it's obviously not helping.

I know it stemmed from my DS (now 11 months) developing meningitis at 4 weeks old - all he had was a temperature and then boom all hell broke loose. I'll never forgot that feeling of pure helplessness and I know I haven't processed it.

My brain tells me that if I am happy and look forward to things like holidays or birthdays something bad will happen and they won't be here by that point.

I don't really know what I'm asking for here- some advice and maybe a handhold to say this won't be my life forever? I'm broken.

I've been ill before with Stage 3 Cancer.

I decided the way to get through it was minimise the time spent thinking about it. That way I could minimise the effects of it. So I distracted myself.

The treatment wasn't that bad. I chatted to people, read a lot. When I felt a bit under the weather I slept. That was nearly 10 years ago and I have since been discharged from the hospital/consultants that treated me.

Not saying I never struggle. I have to tell myself at times every cold/virus/pimple/ menopausal hot flush doesn't mean the cancer returning. I want to live my life and not spend it in a continual self medical examination. I'm not a doctor and am under no obligation to become one.

I've fallen back down a black hole after going on to tik tok and seeing a video of a child with lymphoma who had a lump on his neck, a cough that lasted for weeks and itching.

My little boy has had a non stop cough and a cold since starting nursery in September and he's always itching as soon as I take his clothes off. I'm now convinced this lump isn't a cyst at all but a lumpy nose and he has lymphoma.

I've booked a private paeds appointment for Saturday but no idea how I'll get through until then.

Any way to talk me though not breaking down right now would be great.

@miniworry

I've had cancer and the short wait for an appointment does not affect outcomes or diagnosis. There are multiples of other things that could cause those symptoms. It has become something of a cliche that children get lots of coughs and colds on starting nursery. The itching could be linked to dry skin and the viruses, central heating, skin sensitivity to the clothes/ laundry liquid, soap, allergies or his individual sensory processing.

Hope you find a reassuring resolution.

Hi OP.

Firstly, how did it go with your son?

I came on this board to search for someone in a similar health-anxiety situation. For me it’s cardiac related. I will suddenly have this overwhelming feeling I am about to die. It’s normally when I am trying to sleep and am alone with my thoughts.
I have always worried about my parents suddenly dying, now it’s myself (and still my parents). I think it stems from losing my grandparents both to cardiac arrests in their 60’s, and myself having my first panic attack last year where I will never forget thinking to myself “please don’t die before DH gets here”

The last few months have been horrendous, with frequent palpitation episodes, and lots of other symptoms. I have had the 5 day monitor which showed no concerns. But my anxiety tells me no machine can tell you your heart is going to suddenly stop.

It really is awful. Writing it down has made me realise perhaps now I need to see a GP. I have taken sertraline (50mg) for a number of years now, originally prescribed for PND. I can’t go on like this anymore.

@PowPurry I'm so sorry to read this and it resonates with me so much! It really does take over your life and ironically we spend so much time worrying about dying that we aren't even really living!

My son is fine, I paid privately to see a paediatrician at the weekend who scanned him and he has a cyst not lymphoma. It let up my anxiety for all of 48 hours now I'm worried about my little girl so it's clearly showing I need help.

Can you afford some private therapy or
Maybe a referall to talking therapies? I've resigned myself to the fact I need this to move forward I think as the sertraline is not doing much- maybe the dosage needs increasing?

Sending so much love, it really is horrid ❤️

Hello. Appreciate this is a very old thread, but I came across your post and I’m struggling a lot with health anxiety. What was your treatment and how did you get it??