No support from family

[DonAli]

I always feel overwhelmed with my house and suspect I have adhd which I’m seeing gp for soon. I have episodes where the house gets really really messy. I then really struggle to tidy it and it makes me really overwhelmed. I’ve spoken to my sister before about how I suspect i might have adhd and also my daughter and I get really anxious. She basically laughed in my face when I said I suspect adhd and said everyone these days says they have it and told me to stop being silly. Today was one of those days. I got overwhelmed tidying (I’m the only adult in household) and it’s really taken it out of me and I feel really low and not good enough. I text her just saying I’m feeling overwhelmed by the house and she just replied saying well stop being lazy and do something about it. I am trying to 😒 I just feel like there’s something wrong with me. I’m not a lazy person I keep very busy but outside the house. Inside is overwhelming if that makes any sense. I don’t know what I should do.

You’re wanting her to come over and help you tidy…. Correct?

I can relate to being overwhelmed sometimes. When it happens I chant an ancient Buddhist mantra Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo for 20 minutes. It's a good breathing exercise if anything else. I always feel calmer and more in control afterwards. You can find more on pronunciation and meaning on our website SGI-UK.

No I don’t want her to come and help. I just wanted a little support as in a little emotional support and encouragement perhaps.

You are massively overthinking this. Just tidy your house before it becomes a total shit pit and you won’t get overwhelmed. Being diagnosed with ADHD is t going to magically get your housework done.

Well clearly she’s not the person for that
and she’d kind of already given you that impression before
don’t message about how overwhelmed you are
just get cracking

Look at your children OP
and imagine them not growing up in a shithole
and that will be the encouragement you need

Pick an area, set a timer for 15 mins and resolve to tidy. If you feel like keeping going, go for it, but if not, stop after the 15 mins. If you repeat this every day, you should soon see a difference. Sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. There are lots of tips online for people who struggle with this, hopefully you will find a way that suits you.

I understand op. Struggling with the housework can cause me to struggle with my mh too, not sure which comes first but I can get stuck in a loop feeling too overwhelmed to tackle it and beating myself up for it. Not everyone can just get it done on days when they are feeling low. Start with a small corner and work from there. I follow the organised mum method which really helps, she has guided cleaning recordings which sounds odd but are so motivating! I hope the gp appointment is helpful for you. You deserve compassion and support, especially from your family.

Go to the Housekeeping topic, and see which threads you can relate to. There are long-running tidying and cleaning threads.

Also, don’t contact your sister about having it not having adhd. Look at online survival tips for adhd, and put them into practice regardless of diagnosis.

stop looking to your sister for support.

accept that struggling on this task doesn’t make you a bad person.

there are a bunch of content providers that address this very issue. One of them I suggest checking out is called domesticblisters. Her name is KC Davis and she frequently uses the hash tag strugglecare. Most of her clutter control content is older as she has evolved a bit, but I recommend taking a look.

Honestly op. Regardless of your diagnosis housework is just a necessary evil. Even if it's a given you have adhd you are still the only person that will have to do it. I'd focus on some of the advice here and make lists and tick off some jobs every day . Your sister saying poor you won't change the fact that you still have to do it .

Love the responses on this thread, especially this.
Just do. the. thing.

Hi OP

It’s really difficult when you’re struggling - it just seems like a bigger mountain.

I have recommended this to several people and most have found it helpful.

It’s a YouTube channel called Midwest Magic Cleaning. An American guy who has ADHD and runs a cleaning service for like-people. He’s quite quirky and funny but really knows his stuff. Have a look and see what you think. He’s recently done a “How to” video which I think is particularly good.

Thank you. I’m on the spectrum myself so I know what I’m talking about.

Dubbii is a helpful app for doing everyday tasks, it's like body doubling but via an app, even The TOMM method has the content creator what goes through each room and what to do if you feel stuck.

I'd not bother with your sister again op, she's not capable of being supportive and people here think they are but even if they're on the spectrum they fail to understand that other people may fall elsewhere and their comments are not helpful or needed.

Good luck.

Dig noted. Could you not making your point without taking a swipe?

OP don’t listen to the cruel comments here referring to your home as being a “shit pit” and “shit hole” for goodness sake. As if that’s going to help motivate you and not make you despair more when you’ve come here looking for the compassion and empathy you sadly didn’t get from your sister. Unfortunately some people just don’t/wont get it so it’s best not to look for this sort of support from those sources. However they may be willing to help you in other ways, might even come over and help you today if you ask. Hopefully you have someone in your life who is able to offer a bit of emotional support.

I agree with the people who have said to look at KC Davis and Dubbi app. I am also a big fan of Dana K White’s podcast A Slob Comes Clean. I’ve also found the Sweepy app helpful. You are not alone in finding this aspect of life difficult. Especially as the sole adult on an household (it’s the same here and it’s not easy). And you are not lazy because of difficulty with motivation in this specific area. Being messy is not a moral failing. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.

You're being brutal on MN threads this evening Storming 😆.

Hi @DonAli Not sure if you're feeling too overwhelmed for reading but just want to recommend "How to Keep House While Drowning" by KC Davies. It's a small book anyway - very compassionate and non-judgemental. Author has ADHD too I think. She talks about how depression/trauma etc affect our ability to be organised. People who don't have any issues with executive function usually can't understand people who do unfortunately. Sorry I know this doesn't address your actual issue with unsupportive family but just in case it's helpful.