Dont want to leave the house - PLEASE HELP!

[ringthechanges]

I'm in such a deep rut I can't get myself out of this mindset. Up until 2 years ago I worked full time but due to ill health I had to give up my job. I'm now a SAHM, I'm married with 3 dc youngest is 7 yrs.

Since leaving work I've got more and more depressed and gained a lot of weight, I desperately want to lose the weight but don't have the motivation to change anything. I know I have the answers myself but I just can't do it. I don't want to leave the house at all, even going out to peg the washing out on the line feels like one of the hardest chores in the world.

I'm fine in the confines of my own fours walls but the thought of having to go out anywhere fills me with absolute dread, I will use any excuse in the book to get out of going anywhere, if friends ask me to pop round or if we get invited somewhere I will make excuses like we have other plans or I'm too busy or someone is unwell etc etc.

I feel like such a crap mother, dh takes the dc to school, picks them up, takes them to friends etc. I can't even go shopping anymore so dh does that as well, before I got as bad as this I would only go shopping late at night when hardly anyone was around now I just can't face it at all. I pay all my bills online or over the phone so I don't have to go out to do that either.

My dh is very understanding and tbh the way I am doesn't bother him at all, he's happy to stay home he's not a real social person and he quite enjoys doing the shopping now.

I just don't know how I can change this I know I can't continue this way but try as I might I just can't do it. I've told myself over and over just to get outside and stop being stupid but I just can't do it. I've thought about counselling but tbh how the hell would that work if I couldn't leave the house to go and see them.

It's my mums 60th later this year and I know I'm going to have to go to the do but it's making me feel sick at the thought of knowing I won't be able to get away with not going and if I don't go my mum will be so hurt and upset.

I really need help with this and don't know where the hell to turn. I feel too stupid and pathetic to talk to friends about it and thought it would be easier posting this as I can remain anonomous.

If anyone else as ever felt this way please please help me

You are not stupid!Just got yourself into a bit of a pickle thats all.

Can your GP help?

Friends would really want to help...

Are you on A/Ds?

I'm afraid if I admitted to friends how I really am they would just say "don't be daft, come round, you'll be fine once you get out" and I'm sure they're probably right but I just can't do it.

My GP has been great over the years and as been very supportive of me, I've been on & off AD's for most of my life. I've tried on several occassions to get off them but my GP as told me that I'll probably need to take them for the rest of my life to allow me to function 'normally' this is really what I don't understand, having been on them for so many years I have been able to function and lead a 'normal-sh' life, granted I've still had low times but never as bad as this and for so long.

so you're on them right now?

it sounds like you might need a change or an upped dosage?

I never told my friends because I knew they wouldn't believe me so I knd of know where you're coming from with that. However if you are not going out at all at the moment you ought to try and break the cycle so maybe forcing yourself to go for a coffee might help I used to have to force myself to get somewhere but once I was there it was kind of OK iykwim.

Have you got somewhere near you would feel comfortable going?

I have to go I leave you in the capable hands of MH

You poor thing

I've have been through phases of feeling/being like this, albeit short-lived and not as intensely as you are experiencing. For me it was a combination of lack of confidence which just gradually accumulated over the years of being a SAHM (I'd worked until my late 30s before dc) and habit tbh. My world seemed to centre around dc/playgroup/home/high street which was great for the first couple of years. It's a vicious circle isn't it?

When was the last time you went out of the house?

Btw, you are not stupid or pathetic.

I really think you need some structured professional help with this.

I have a friend who was exactly the same. She had a lot of counselling - I'm not sure about any medication, and she is fine now - I've just seen her at school now! I know it just took her longer to get back in the car again though. Please go and speak to someone and get some help.

agree counselling helps.

I only had a 6 week course but honestly I workedd hard during it and I am a different person in so many ways. back to my old self but even better than before.

Hiya

If you find a good counsellor, they may work with you over the phone, or by email - initially at least. If money is an issue, you could contact a college - trainees often work for free and phone/email counselling could be good experience. Trainees have thorough training before they can work with clients and most of the big counselling services use trainee volunteers so you would be in very good hands.

The university of East London runs a counselling course - you could try them? I don't know where you're based but for remote counselling it could work. If you have a look at their website, you'll find contact details of the tutors there who it may be worth speaking to. I'm sure local colleges will also be receptive.

Proper support will really help you to get through this.

Oh you poor thing. Really feel for you as I have a similar problem.

It sounds like you are developing a phobia and it will only get worse the more avoidance techniques you use. Please please get help - I didn't for years and the mountain only gets bigger. You can beat this. Suggest you contact the National Phobics Society or similar and ask your GP for more help than just A/Ds. Counselling and a gradual programme of exposure can really help. e.g. setting yourself small but increasing targets to go out and do things.

MH - that's really good news.

Thank you so much for all your replies.

Tbh even the thought of going somewhere for a coffee as me in a panic. I can think to myself, yes I can do that but then I think OMG no I can't what will people think of me, I'm scared of seeing people I think or rather people seeing me. I know I sound like a freak!!

As I mentioned, I am overweight and this effects my confidence terribly, I'm 5' 4" and weight 14 stone, I used to be around 9.7 - 10 stone and felt ok at that weight. I know this is my own doing and didn't really pay much attention to the odd gained pounds here and there but now it just feels like too much to handle.

I'm in a catch 22 position as I know more excersise will help with the weight loss but I can't even get myself to leave the house for a walk to help with this

I think I've left the house 4 times over the past 2 years, the last time was 2 weeks ago for consultation day at my daughter school and that was an absolute nightmare but I knew I had to do it for her or she would feel so let down. I was on edge about it and felt so sick the morning we had to go. I feel so ridiculous, I did it, I got home, nothing happened so why do I let myself feel this way it just doesn't seem logical.

I've phoned my GP surgery today and asked about counselling, unfortunately they say they don't have a counselling service available anymore so I don't know what to do now ?

I'm in the NW just outside Manchester, I'm not sure of any colleges around that train counsellers but I can have a look around the net. Even the thought of someone coming round to see me makes me feel uneasy, I even hide out of sight when dc friends call round and will avoid answering the door whenever possible. I get a bit edgy on the phone talking to strangers but I can manage to hold a conversation ok.

OMG how weird do I sound

Not weird at all. Just human and honest....

I'd book an appointment with your GP and ask for a referral (can take 6-12 months if NHS). Don't let the reception fob you off.

To do something straight away, how about joining Social Anxiety - it's an online organisation which is free to join with a good chatroom/members forum. You could seek initial support online without having to leave your house. Their website is:

www.social-anxiety.org.uk/

You can change - it won't be easy but I'm 100% sure that the rewards will be more than worth it.

The first step is always the hardest.

please go to your GP, they are duty bound to help you, dont take any notice of the receptionist, it is most definately NOT her place to decide who needs counselling. What she might of meant is that they dont offer counselling at the surgery anymore but if you speak to your doctor you can ask for a refferal. Have you had a psychiatric assesment lately? If i were you i would push for a pyschiatric refferal - it might just get things moving for you. It is clear that whilst the ADs are helping you to "function", there is more to life than just functioning and if that is all they are helping you to do then they are not working as they should do. ADs alone are not the answer. I honestly feel so much for you, i suffer from depression and anxiety and find that getting out the house is the only thing that keeps me sane. So not to be able to get out must be terrible for you. I know what you mean about social situations though, i find myself dreading them and making excuses at the last minute. Been forcing myself lately, last time i went out with my friends i really enjoyed it, i know things are quite so simple for you though. Is there a friend who you could confide in, who wouldnt say to you the whole "youll be fine" crap? MAybe she could help out by visiting from time to time. Any family closeby?

You deserve so much better than this, you need to get out and enjoy life - at your doctor for just telling you that you will be on ADs indefinately and not offering you anymore. Sounds like you need to change doctors

looptheloop is right, the first step is the hardest, but you know what, you have already done it, you have posted on here, so well done for that, maybe your next step would be the support forum..baby steps, its a big deal, you want to change, thats half the battle.

What sort of things out of the house did you like to do, and maybe would like to do again, could you make that your long term aim, with lots of little mini aims to encourage you??

So, tomorrow, your first aim - look up the website, go in the chat room.

Hiya

If you have a look at the BACP website - they have a directory - you could ask some local counsellors about telephone counselling? Some (although not very many) counsellors offer email/instant messaging counselling. Without wanting to sound all diagnostic, it does sound like you may have a phobia (I think someone else also mentioned this) - the national phobics society offers email support, and has links to online counselling programmes/workbooks that you can do on your own at home/group therapy etc etc. It's a really great website:

www.phobics-society.org.uk/computeraidedtherapy.php