Stuck between a rock and a hard place

[fredandphe]

Just a rant really, any advice would be appreciated.

In 2023, my mom cheated on my dad with a much younger guy, and it almost tore the family apart. My dad forgave her and stayed with her. Things, even now almost 2 years later, between my mom and the rest of the family are still a bit strained.

2 weeks ago, my dad found out she was cheating on him again and he was once again (understandably) heartbroken. He only told me and my sister this time though and wanted us to keep it to ourselves. I could tell he was devastated, he kept asking me what's wrong with me, why has she done this again, do I deserve this.

A week mom rang me hysterical, saying there's something wrong with my dad, he was slurring his words on the phone to her and was complaining of a terrible headache. So I hopped in the car and on the way to his place of work, she was telling me to not be mad but 'me and dad are back together' ??? Like that even matters in a medical emergency.

Turns out my dad had a stroke, the nurse was asking me questions, does he drink much? Does he smoke? Has he been stressed? Well yeah, mom cheated on him.

Now I cant shake this anger I'm feeling. I know my mom didn't cause his stroke, but I cant help but place some of the blame on her. I hate the way she has done it twice to him. I hate that she's manipulated her way back. I hate how nobody else knows, that its just me and my sister. I have enough to deal with, I have two young children, my dad's had a stroke but Im here stewing with anger instead of focusing on what's most important.

She keeps saying she loves him, she cares for him but how can she when she's cheated twice? You don't do that to someone you love and care for.

Everyone feels bad for her and it's pissing me off because once again she's the one who caused all this stress, and nobody else knows.

I wish I could speak to someone else in the family about this, it feels so heavy. But if I did, and everything blew up it wouldn't be good for my dad, he's having a crappy time as it is.

Sorry if this is a bit of a jumbled mess, my mind is just messy at the moment. Please don't reply to this with any unkind comments I'm sensitive, especially at the moment.

Sorry to hear you're having to go through this. I hope your dad makes a swift recovery.

I don't really have any advice but I can understand why you are so angry with your mum. It makes no sense to me either that she claims to love and care for your dad and yet she's been unfaithful to him twice, she wants to be with him, then she doesn't, then she does....

Perhaps privately telling your mum how you feel about the situation might be an idea. She most likely won't like it but it might make her think about the effect her behaviour has had on your dad. You're right the stroke can't be directly attributed to her but the stress your dad has been under certainly won't have helped.

I hope everything works out well for you all X

I hope your dad makes a full recovery op,💐. I am very sorry that you are going through such stress and worry.

I understand your anger at your mum for upsetting the entire family through her actions.

I don’t think your dad was right to involve you in his marital issues though, simply for the reason that no one knows what goes on in an intimate relationship except the two people themselves. Your mother may have her reasons for seeking validation elsewhere that are too intimate to share with adult children.

I am not saying she was right to cheat on your dad of course, not at all, that’s despicable. But that’s between her and your dad and he was the person who took her back so you need to try and step back op and support your parents as neutrally as you can, and try and channel your anger in to healthy communication and practical help.

Can you get some outside support from a friend who you can vent to, or a counsellor maybe to help you navigate this situation?