Trauma? Does anyone get this?

[Sensitiveelephant]

I went through alot in childhood and also a few things happened around 5 years ago. I normally push it all down and was doing really well until my mum died a few years ago and brought alot back. Also other things have brought back memories of the incident 5 years ago.
I struggle day to day with pushing down emotions. Fighting tears and I feel like sometimes I struggle to out on a front as I have memories flash through my brain whether I want them or not. Trying to remain normal while I see and experience those things again.
Today had a difficult convo with someone which meant I was then doing the food shop in a kind of daze while I thought of the past etc. Then someone saw me and said my name and I literally screamed and flattened myself against the fridge in asda. My heart was racing and breathing fast and then adrenaline took over and I spoke really fast and animated while my heart raced.
I don't feel ok. But I can't explain it.
Anyone had this. Any tips

I understand this to some degree OP. I'm so sorry you are experiencing it and it must be so overwhelming. I have had similar experiences where my reactions to situations are completely out of my control and don't seem proportionate to the situation - sorry if that isn't what you are getting at. For me - I've realised I'm reacting to triggers from my past (that I still don't really understand) but at one point these reactions probably protected me from something. I've learned that I need to try to feel my emotions and not push them away which is so much harder than it sounds and not a linear road.

Can you get some therapy?

I can't afford therapy. I don't know if doctor would just disregard it or think it's not important compared to other people's issues.
I feel like I want to live my life without this constant cloud and not fully enjoying things because half my brain is in fight or flight mode and going through unwanted memories.

Definitely go to your GP - it can take time to get anywhere actually helpful but at least you'd be on the journey.

Thanks. Just making myself. I never go to doctors and I never talk about things. Wouldn't even know how or when to start. Don't even know if I could make myself do it.

Can you print out or show them your original post? It explains the situation very well. You are as entitled to whatever help the doctor can give you as anyone else.