To start this I'm already suicidal so please don't post abuse....as I really can't feel any worse than I already do.
My daughter is nearly 3 we have been TTC for baby 2 for 18 months. We are actually taking a break as my mental health is not in a good place. Each month goes on and I feel worse and worse and get lower and lower. My husband won't go to the doctors for any investigations either.
When my baby turned 6 months I found out I was pregnant. This was not planned and a total and utter shock. I didn't want another baby at this point. I felt I could barely cope with the one I had. I told my husband and he felt the same. We decided on a termination. In hindsight this was obviously the worse decision I could of ever made. It was absolutely awful but I did feel relieved after to be fair...but not a day goes by when I don't think about it. And wished that I hadn't done it.
I have done 2 lots of counselling which helped for a bit but I can't get over this sinking feeling in my chest constantly that I've ruined my life my daughters life and my husbands. I've been to the doctors and I've referred myself for counselling again as the doctor wouldn't give me any medication as we have been ttc.
Is there anything I can do to stop feeling like this. As I honestly don't feel like I can continue living feeling this awful all the time