I have become aware that my husband is either a narcissist or has Asperger's - GP thinks the latter but I am starting to believe the former. Not here really to discuss him, though I apprecicate everything is connected. But anyway, after yet another awful mood from him and massive over-reaction response to something I challenged him on, it led to a fight. I've withdrawn into another room as I can't stand his smug insistence that I'm to blame. Again. This has been going on for many years...I'm not able to leave due to caring for an elderly parent who lives with us and whose health has deteriorated steadily.
Reason I'm posting is to ask those who truly have depression, what are the signs/symptoms please? I feel like I had a breakdown a couple of years ago as dealing with my husband on a daily basis was mentally exhausting. My own health has worsened over the least three years and I can no longer tell if its all just a result of living with him, or if I've become depressed. I'm not looking to jump on any kind of bandwagon, which is why I'm asking those who know what it is to be depressed, if I may be so.
GP aware of situation but other than saying in passing that my husband strikes him as someone who has Asperger's doesn't seem that interested in my struggles and just wants to give me pills to help me sleep! Says I need to relax more, get out in the fresh air, adopt a hobby to occupy my thoughts. Its next to impossible to 'relax' at all given that the minute my husband comes in from work he kicks off about something or other and his moods are really difficult to live with. I walk when I can, to get outside into fresh air and clear my head, but not easy to leave parent for long. And I rarely get time to enjoy the hobbies I do have, which include reading/doing puzzles, watching tv/listening to music.
I saw GP this afternoon and as I was getting ready to leave he asked how things were so I told him nothing had changed. He sat back in his chair and muttered a pointed 'hmmn' so I looked at him and was going to ask if he wished to speak to me further but to my absolute astonishment he sort of grimaced and said he thought I might be depressed. I told him that wasn't at all helpful and left.
Its left me feeling as if all the issues lie with me. Am I depressed? I have no idea now. I do know that when my husband is not at home I am truly relaxed and happy and enjoy that time. Experience has taught me to be wary of him coming home as the atmosphere changes so much - it becomes tense very quickly. He might not like that fact that I haven't accomplished something I said I planned to do in the house. Whatever it is, if I challenge him on his attitude/behaviour toward me, he erupts like Vesuvius but I am not allowed to question/challenge him. And tonight, for asking him not to blame me again, he has called me irrational and demented, and said he believes I have mental health issues.
So I am feeling a bit fragile at the moment and don't know what I am anymore...
Sorry for the long post. Just trying to lay things down and try to see more clearly. I hate feeling as if I'm falling apart when he's around, and yet I feel so different when he isn't here.
Wasn't sure hwther to post this here or in the relationship section so apologies if it is in the wrong place and maybe a moderator can move it.