Feelings around people

[Orangesandlemons77]

I've found that over the years really it has just been me and DH, parents have been little help e.g. when I was ill and we just booked more childcare during those times.

I managed through my illness mainly on my own and also bringing up children, left home at 17...

now I'm late 40s and find I am quite wary of people, being drawn into their problems, sometimes it feels like they want too much of me but I have my own stuff to deal with.

It could be my age as well, I have heard people during perimenopause can struggle with people.

Does this resonate with anyone?

As long as you're happy, that's all that matters. Many people only have their direct family or just a small circle of friends - SM skews our concept of reality!

I think being wary of people is fairly healthy...as long as you are not lonely.

I have had a couple of experiences with people that have been difficult which has made me more wary over time.

I can empathise with this. Things have happened over the years and the impact and my reaction is to be more distant and step back. I do have friends but they’re not close and tend to be for a ‘season’. I tend to move on fairly quickly and try not to get too attached to save the pain later on. I assume I’m no doubt missing out on close relationships and the joy they can bring but in my experience there is little joy. I’m happier at a distance on my own. I’m also not good with other people’s problems - I just want an easy life!

How many experiences have you had with people who haven't been difficult?

Sometimes we focus on memories of tough times and ignore all the good stuff.

Haven't we all?

I'm curious about which people and what you mean by "difficult".

I understand where you are coming from, I’ve got like this and I’m a similar age. DH and I have been alone through some very heavy stuff and it opens your eyes to people. When you realise most people don’t care, you learn to do the same out of self preservation.

Yes this. I found most didn't understand when I went through some difficult stuff yet seem to want me to support them with their stuff- even if it is some problem easy solved. It can be a bit exhausting.

Also have elderly parents and in laws to deal with which is a whole other problem, guess I just don't have capacity for it all.

Yes, we can only take on so much (if we have a lot to deal with ourself then we have to step back from others' issues)
I have found this works both ways too - my mum used to support me a lot with MH issues but now has my ailing dad who needs her so I am turning to her less for support.
I am wary too and back off - though it is more self esteem issues I think (compare myself etc)
Sadly, there will always be people who use others when it suits them. THey need to be avoided !
Quality over quantity when it comes to friends. I have come off SM and that has helped a lot (as much as we tell ourselves to view posts with a pinch of salt, it is inevitable we compare etc)

Just to add - peri menopause I think can contribute (a friend and I joke about one symtom being an aversion to people ) OR it could just be wisdom / intuiton gained through life experiences perhaps !

Yes. I think I’m like this too. We have a very small family but with plenty to keep me busy. I’m finding I enjoy my own company more and more than ever. Sometimes I just haven’t got the interest or energy and find others the same, unless it’s them wanting the attention of course.

I think it might be menopause but I have been quite tired and sometimes, just thinking of stuff to say etc is a but much! But then empty spaces can be awkward as well (not alone of course)

Just been shopping and for coffee with a relative and feeling exhausted.