Coping but not coping - how to know you aren’t well enough to work?

[1234throwaway]

This probably sounds like a daft question, but if you’re someone who has hidden the extent of your poor MH for a long time and “just got on with it” (please don’t think that’s a dig at people who can’t/haven’t been able to), how do you know when you are really not well enough to work?

I think I have high functioning anxiety and OCD. It’s really ramped up over the past year and I am struggling. Having CBT but it’s not really doing much.

I have a demanding job and for years I have just tried to push through. I’ve always been very conscientious and hard-working. But lately I just can’t motivate myself. I’m exhausted (sleeping fine), struggling to focus on any tasks, and just feel completely like I don’t care any more (this is very unlike me). I’m worried I’m going to get hauled up for my performance soon - my boss hasn’t said anything, but I know that the quality of my work isn’t up to my standard.

But I can motivate myself to clean the house, walk the dog etc. My OCD is quite tied to domestic stuff, so keeping things orderly reassures me.

I keep trying to give myself a kick up the bum and get the focus back, push through like I’ve always done. But it’s not working this time. I can’t concentrate on TV or books either, for that matter.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve never taken time off sick for poor mental health and there’s a voice that is telling me I don’t need to, that I’m just lazy and trying to find excuses. I can’t compose an email but I can type this post, etc.

I know I probably need to see my GP, but I just feel a fraud. Can anyone relate?

I think you do need to see your GP in order to rule out something like thyroid disorders or various vitamin/mineral deficiencies especially iron. It could be that anything lacking there is making it much harder for you to cope.

Yes I can relate. Like you, I resisted anti-anxiety meds for a long time, but they do work. Really they do. It's like a huge weight off.

See your GP. You aren't a fraud at all, you are looking after yourself.

Do you enjoy your job? Would a change of job give you a bit of a reset? Or would it be possible to reduce your hours at work and improve your work life balance?

@AnareticDegree Can I ask which meds you take? I’ve been quite fearful of going down that path, but it’s bad enough at the moment that I’m starting to think about it.

Changing jobs would definitely help, but I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind to do so, if that makes sense. For various reasons I don’t think I can reduce my hours in my current role.

Talk to someone at work. I didn't until I hit a wall and had did so spectacularly in the office. I was so well supported and if I had put my hand up earlier I wouldn't have ended up in the mess I was in. I now have adjustments and the ability to get help when needed and step back when I'm feeling paralysed with anxiety

Sertraline. Felt a bit strange for a week, but the panic stopped immediately. Now I feel like my old self and able to cope.

Hi, I want to add my background first. I had a mental health crisis at work 5 years ago. I went on olanzapine and had lots of time off. Since going back I have proactively managed my mental health, or tried to. A few years ago I tried setraline but it did not agree with me, gave me severe insomnia and hallucinations then when I stopped my anxiety was much worse. Then, after I resisted a bit from bad experience I tried qutiapine which worked for me.

Today I've decided to take a proactive mental health day off work and am trying to not feel guilty. Like your title I've been unsure the past few weeks if I need a day but today has been restful. I recently I did a seminar on burnout at work and lack of care for your work is a sign of burnout.

I would reach out to someone at work like others have suggested before you go burnout.

OP, I could have written your post! I'm sorry you are feeling the same. I've taken a few weeks off that my GP issued a fit note for and started Trazadone. Can't begin to think about going back yet though - feeling totally overwhelmed. I hope you get support soon.

Thanks everyone. Your advice is really helpful and helping shout down the (not so) little voice telling me I just need to pull myself together.

@2in2022twoyearson I hope your proactive day today has helped. I find it can just creep up on me, though this last year it’s been more of a steady march.

@wifeywish1 I’m so sorry you’re feeling the same. It’s a horrid place to be. I understand that feeling of being totally overwhelmed. I hope you start to feel a bit better soon. And thank you - I am going to make a GP appointment.

@1234throwaway thank you so much, I hope you get the support you need and that you feel better soon x

I came on here to see if anyone is in a similar position to me...I also have high functioning anxiety. Work is a big trigger for me at the moment, although I'm also going through a separation/divorce which is causing me all sorts of feelings of failure.

I get really bad panic related procrastination. I've been taking citalopram for the last year and it has helped but doesn't always do enough. I used to self harm although haven't for 18mths. I am speaking with a counsellor weekly and have started sharing with colleagues about some of the challenges. I can't really talk about it face to face so it has been via email with them.

I've literally held my hands up to mistakes and work I've not done and I still can't convince them to take a harder line on me, so they are understanding. It doesn't always help though as it makes me avoid things more as I don't feel held accountable. I avoid opening my emails, cancel meetings and spiral until someone makes a complaint. It's a vicious cycle I'm not sure how to break.

I like parts of my job but not others...I've talked about changes but they're not possible, and I applied for another job recently but didn't get it and that didn't really help the feelings of failure.

I know what you mean about functioning on some things...I run a music group, a writing group, a WI and manage to do a lot of that, but I can't open a work email for weeks sometimes.