I don’t know what to do

[Imissbeingme]

I’ve struggled with my mental health on and off for years, over the last few months i have really gone downhill. It was my first year of being a single parent after an abusive relationship, the financial stress has hit me hard, the loneliness of being alone and I have a demanding job. Leading up to Christmas I could feel myself becoming unwell, I was very anxious and tearful but tried to put a brave face on and carry on.
the day before Christmas Eve I had a huge leak in my kitchen which has destroyed my floor and left me without water or heating and it tipped me over the edge. I was having panic attacks and felt like I couldnt go on anymore. I signed myself off for the first week then got signed off last week by the doctor. I’m due to go back tomorrow but I feel sick at the thought of it. It was my birthday last week and I did nothing so yesterday my family and friends took me for some food and a couple of drinks as I’ve isolated myself a lot recently and not seen anyone. I had every intention of going back tomorrow but now it’s coming round to it I feel so panicky. I’ve been put on antidepressants last week and referred for counselling but it’s trying to get through this which is so hard.

Are you able to be signed off for a bit longer?
You have a lot on your plate atm.
Sending hugs. Xx

Happy birthday for the other day.

If you're not ready, you're not ready. That's ok. It takes time to get better, especially when you've had so much thrown at you recently.

Would you be able to contact your GP in the morning?

I agree with PP, if you are able to get signed off for a few more weeks that will give time for the ADs to kick in and you might feel more able to go back to work. Good luck

My anxiety is now that I went out yesterday, I only had a couple of drinks then went onto water but I felt ok, some days I feel ok but others I feel horrendous. I worry that someone may have seen me out and report this but as I genuinely thought I’d be returning tomorrow I wanted to put myself out there and try and socialise with people I’d not seen in months. The lead up to going out was hard and I had a panic attack in the morning but I actually enjoyed myself and I think it did me good to be around people.
im sat here now in tears with my heart pounding so fast at the thought of just going back to normal tomorrow

Please don't worry about having been out and possibly seen while you're off work. You don't have anything contagious or a physical injury you should be resting, and as you said yourself you felt it did you good to be around people. You won't get well staying home and isolated, socialising will be an important part of getting to a better place. Any colleague or employer that doesn't think this, and doesn't support you in your recovery your way, clearly doesn't understand your situation and needs to give themselves a kick up the rear.

Well done for getting out, and if you can't face being back at work yet then ask your GP to sign you off a bit longer and see if you can arrange a gradual return to work for when you're ready.
Sending hugs - it WILL get better, but you need to be kind to yourself and allow yourself time, you've been through a lot x

Totally agree with @Snowkitty . Getting out is part of healing/getting better with MH.
I had a breakdown couple of years ago and I was off work for 5 months so please don't feel guilty. X

@Imissbeingme this is a slightly different view but could you perhaps go to work on a part time basis or wfh more (if your job allows). I am on mirtazapine and know the struggles with antidepressants and especially hear you on the isolation (I spent much of the hols stuck at home) but find that my office days are so much happier than my wfh days especially as the cold weather means I don’t get out much.
Of course, your daily routines may differ and this is only if you don’t have a toxic work environment and colleagues/boss are understanding.
Whichever way you decide, take care of yourself, hon xx