How To Be More Than A Mum

[ThisMintWasp]

Hi everyone!

Just looking for some advice really, I am in a rutt and don't know how to get myself out of it to be a better parent and person in general!

So since being a mum, I have no idea who I am anymore, a lot of friends lost due to turning out to be drinking buddies only which kind of made life do a bit of a 180.

Used to enjoy a lot of things and now really struggle to find enjoyment out of anything, I try things I used to like and no longer feel the love for it, keep looking for more new things I may enjoy and don't have the motivation to continue with them regardless of how hard I try.

Now normally as I'm sure with most parents this wouldn't normally bother me, but it is starting to have an impact on home life, I do the same thing each day, work, come home, parent and sleep, you know the drill, I am becoming more irritable by the smallest of things and overwhelmed majorly.

I am struggling to want to do anything playtime wise, and the guilt I feel, is excrutiating but I can't kick it and I don't know why, I feel like I am not present for anything and am going to regret it when I look back and see how little I do to enjoy myself, and I don't want my daughter think it is an acceptable way to be.

Bit of extra info, I do have depression and anxiety and being tested for ADHD, I am not on meds, as they make me worse, and I do attend therapy, - haven't been since Christmas as of holidays ect which is definitely not helping!! Any tips on what to do or how you kick this feeling please!!

As a single parent I had to incorporate DD into the things I liked. So made a list of the things I liked doing and worked out how to make those child friendly s we could both enjoy them.

I like going to the theatre, so started taking DD to child friendly shows, and having tea and cake afterwards, eventually we graduated up to musicals, Shakespeare, dramas etc and £££ at the theatre restaurant as my income increased as DD got older.

Cinema was easy as Mum and baby showings and later kids club exists

Festivals we started when she was 4.

At home things, I learnt to crochet when DD was little, that was quite easy and relaxing and DD used to love wearing ponchos Id made her. Learning a new skill was great for me too even if I felt a bit self conscious at the start.

Playtimes, try pockets of play of 10 mins at a time. Not everyone is good at all types of play. So if you are like me and a bit rubbish at roleplay then keep some salt dough at hand for the kitchen table or quick board games like Guess Who, Connect 4, Battleships and Uno. Or stick a Dancework out on from YouTube on a device in the kitchen and you and DD can do it together even if she is just having her own little boogie rather than exercise

Have you gone back to work? That helps I think as it's not about you as a mother at all.

It’s difficult, becoming a mum is such a massive change in life! Do you have a partner or family who can look after the child and give you some time off? And I second PP, find a way to do the things you enjoy. I really like exercising and I found classes where I can bring my baby along. I also go running with the pram. Doing exercise every day was a life saver for me, it gets me out of the house in the morning and breaks the baby routine.

Apologies, should have clarified, I'm not a new mum, my daughter is 3 now hence why feeling so guilty as she is a lot more aware of surroundings!

I work full time 40 hours a week, but got a lot in work making mood worse so doesn't seem to give a break at all!

I have a partner but he works shifts so we only really see eachother for about 2hrs a day when he's working and only have one day off together, I also feel guilty asking for him to look after her as 1. Feels like I am palming my daughter off, makes no sense I know 2. He isn't her dad so doesn't feel right forcing that (He is more than happy to before this sounds like he wouldn't this is a me thing!)

Family wise my mum is up country so dont see her very often and the family around are distant and don't like to rely on them due to past things but thats a whole other story 😅

Also I don't drive, and I live in Cornwall, UK, if no one has been there, absolutely nothing to do around here especially if not driving, only a few shops nearby to me so feel a little trapped.