Ugly and quiet = no friends ?

[LuvChocolate]

Hi. I'm so struggling making friends and I feel that this is due to my ugly appearance and quiet personality. I feel extremely lonely. I have tried finding friends both on internet or by joining hobby groups but nothing worked. The people I communicate face to face are only my husband and my children. I look after myself by taking a bath everyday, curling up my hair, wearing make up and wearing accessories. So I don't think I smell bad. I'm in my early 40s originally from Asia and I consider myself a gentle person. I really hate my huge eyes that are not usual for people from where I'm from. My eyes may be scaring people who see me. I don't know what else I can do.

I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time of it. Making friends in adulthood is just not as easy compared to perhaps school days or when you are younger. People can be a little set in their ways or may already have their friend groups established. It’s horrible to feel so self conscious but I highly doubt your appearance is anything to do with things. For me, making friends in adulthood, has only happened when I am repeatedly in an environment, with the same people, over long period of time. E.g. I joined a new gym class, quite a small one rather than a massive one, and it was 6-7 months of being in the same class with the same people before it became more friendly. Only one person has gone on to become a friend that I see outside of that class for a coffee or brunch or something. I think you really have to hang in there and keep showing up, then be brave and if, after several friendly conversations things are going well, invite someone for a coffee. It would be very easy to think ‘people aren’t bothered’ after trying to be friendly a handful of times and to give up. I think consistency and persistence are key! Good luck with it all, there will be people out there that you can click with, it just takes a bit of luck and persistence to find your people!

I am sure you look lovely. But I don’t care what my friends look like. I like them because they are kind, fun and we enjoy each others company.

keep going to groups, try new ones. It can take a long time to make new friends. Despite being shy try to make eye contact and smile at people. Say hello. If you appear open to conversation, chatty people might come and approach you