How to find a therapist who’s a good fit?

[Bythesea1982]

Hi there. Long story short, I’ve had therapy on and off for a few years and want to go back to having it again. I’ve seen a few different therapists and the one I felt understood me the most and who I felt most comfortable with has increased their fees quite a bit. I haven’t seen them in a while because of this but have tried a couple of other therapists, but never felt that understood by them. One was on the NHS and I’d go as far to say that she looked totally uninterested at times. Needless to say the sessions weren’t helpful. When you search online there are so many therapists that it feels overwhelming. It’s also so time consuming emailing them and setting up initial conversations. So my question is how do you know if a therapist is going to be a good fit for you? I believe that therapy can been really helpful but how do you find a good therapist?

Word of mouth/recommendations and testimonials are always a good place to start, although at least one poster thinks WoM is bad because the therapist will know the people you're talking about 🙄

What are you hoping to achieve through the therapy?

@Eyesopenwideawake I agree word of mouth can be helpful but not always easy to come by depending on who you spend time with, your individual circumstances etc

Do you know what kind of therapy you want? Eg CBT, ACT, trauma therapy, psychodynamic, person-cantered? Some therapists focus on one or more than one 'speciality'. If you know what type(s) of therapy you want to try, you could add that to your search. I think you are more likely to find a good fit this way. Apologies if you have already tried this!

@IntheSnowySnowyMountains No apologies needed. It’s a good reminder for me when searching. Ideally I’m looking for an integrative therapist (with a focus on humanistic and psychodynamic/ attachment) so they have the skills and knowledge to use a range of therapeutic techniques. I appreciate then that usually coincides with higher fees as they’ve had training in different modalities.

It's very much a matter of trial and error. You pick out a shortlist of people qualified, close and affordable and meet some of them to see who you click with. Go by photos and gut instinct if you have to.

I can recommend someone if you are in North London or want to see someone online.

Have a read of the bios on Counselling Directory, you should get a good feel for them

You put your postcode in to get the nearest therapists to you

@Balloonhearts Thank you for offering but I don’t live in north London and based on past experiences would prefer in person appointments. This is the process I’ve been through before but you’re right, it’s trial and error. I found a therapist who’s description on counselling directory sounded great but after a couple of sessions I came away deflated. I guess it a can be a lengthy process.

@LaurieFairyCake Yes I’ve been doing this and using other websites too but it’s just a minefield as there are so many!

Have you been using the advanced search facility on Counselling Directory to search by modality and issue?

I'm struggling with this too. It is so hard as it takes time to build trust in a new relationship with a counsellor/therapist but when you are paying mega bucks to be there you want to see success straight away.

The word of mouth thing is tricky as what works for one person may not work for another.

I've had two sessions with a new counsellor and I'm really not sure. I'd love to have a check list of good or bad things to use to judge. But - I imagine that is so individual - a generic list would just not cut it.

OP - if you've found someone you trust - could you consider going less frequently to manage the increased cost?

@curiousBo It’s a good point you make. Maybe I could look at going less frequently and cutting back on other things. I did feel comfortable with this therapist and understood by them. It’s feels a bit of a gamble as to whether you’re going to ‘click’ with a therapist despite how well their profile or website might read.
I hope things either improve for you with the therapist you’re currently seeing or that you find someone better suited to you soon. As you say, it’s a lot of money not to mention time too.

Apologies for repeating the question but what do you hope to achieve with the therapy? (You don't have to answer!).

I thoroughly recommend North London Therapy - https://www.northlondon-therapy.co.uk/. They offer in-person and online sessions.