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Intimidated by an 18 year old and feel like it’s breaking me

14 replies

Anonymcnonomousface · 18/01/2025 08:09

I live alone in a semi detached house and my neighbour on the other side was difficult from the moment they moved in - screaming rows, weed smoking, random people coming and going and constant noise. I tried many times to sort things out because I know you will always hear things in a property like this but it never really changed. However it’s now got a lot worse.

The neighbour has died leaving the house to his teenage son. He’s away at some sort of work/college part of the week but when he’s here it’s a complete nightmare. He threw a massive party last week, we had to go out as it was so noisy and when we returned furniture had been thrown into my garden and there was broken glass everywhere.

I hoped this was a one-off and didn’t see him all week but last night he was back and as soon as the pubs shut there were people there shouting and screaming until past 2am. It’s obviously going to become the local party house - an adult-free space is going to be a magnet for every kid in town and god knows who else.

It was bad enough with the dad but this is so much worse. I never know when he’ll be here or what he’ll get up to. I feel like I can’t relax in my own home and the lack of sleep (either through the noise or wondering if it will start) is exhausting. I’ve spoken to a relative of the boy who’s trying to keep him under control but ultimately he’s an adult, albeit with way too much responsibility.

I do sympathise because I know his relationship with his dad was difficult - I heard the rows - and now he’s left alone, but I can’t stand living like this. I’ve tried talking to him and he’s apologetic but then it happens again. I have to sleep with music on, earplugs and take sleeping tablets but I can still hear it and I just don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Miloarmadillo2 · 18/01/2025 08:16

If you’ve tried talking to him and it keeps happening then you report to the council for unreasonable noise. If it is making you feel
unsafe (throwing glass etc) then speak to the non-emergency police about it.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 18/01/2025 08:17

18 is so young to have lost family (however dysfunctional). I feel sorry for you but this lad needs looking after.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 18/01/2025 08:19

Are there local bereavement support groups, housing support or youth mental health support locally that might help him? Better option than the police, although the police may also be good at referring onto these services.

sometimesmovingforwards · 18/01/2025 08:20

Invite him round for tea. He genuinely might need some support. Maybe he doesn’t want to be the party house, but doesn’t know how to be an adult yet either.

Anonymcnonomousface · 18/01/2025 08:22

I agree, I don’t know what his dad was thinking of and I worry for his future. As I said I do have contact with his relative and police would be my last resort.

However living like this is destructive for both of us in different ways.

OP posts:
username299 · 18/01/2025 08:48

Complain to the council and if they're causing damage to property and being loud late at night, call the police.

Anonymcnonomousface · 18/01/2025 09:34

Both of those would be a last resort, I guess I’m hoping for some strategies to deal with how stressed it’s making me but I realise that’s asking a lot!

OP posts:
Miloarmadillo2 · 18/01/2025 16:04

You have a right to quiet enjoyment of your property and it sounds to be way outside reasonable noise particularly if it is frequent. Some sympathy for the lad as it doesn’t sound like he was ever taught to be respectful of others but anyone would find that stressful.

Anonymcnonomousface · 18/01/2025 20:28

Quiet enjoyment is all I want but this is messing with my head. I keep thinking I hear him there and I can’t relax enough to sleep even though I’m so tired. I never know when he will arrive and what will happen next.

I have spoken to his relative again and they are doing what they can - I feel for them as well as him, it’s not a good situation for anyone.

OP posts:
Anonymcnonomousface · 23/01/2025 09:29

Can anyone else advise please? I’m really struggling as I was led to believe he’d mostly be coming at weekends but he turned up yesterday. I feel like I can never relax in my own home - I know he has a right to be there though so I need to find a way to deal with it. I had to go to my partner’s yesterday but I can’t be forced out every time he appears.

OP posts:
ScupperedbytheSea · 23/01/2025 10:11

I'm afraid to say I don't think there is an easy strategy to get your head in the right place to deal with this.
I had nightmare neighbours for years, they really infiltrate your life, especially if they're making noise and you're feeling threatened by them.

Maybe not the lad's fault, but you don't need to sacrifice your sanity to try and fix him.

Report noise and antisocial behaviour to the council (they might have a diary that you fill out), anything more seriously antisocial/criminal damage to the police.

If it is also affecting other neighbours, ask them to do the same. Might launch some sort of 'community trigger.' Local councillor might lend some weight, depending on how good they are.

Anonymcnonomousface · 23/01/2025 14:04

I’m worried about reporting it because of the implications if I try to sell. But not sure I have much choice.

OP posts:
Adamante · 23/01/2025 14:12

I think it’s pretty likely he will sell it tbh. He’s. 18. He will want the cash for travelling or a car or something. I’d be friendly with him and see I could find out what is long term plans are before you start reporting him.

SB1967 · 23/01/2025 23:11

There are so many self centred awful people like this around now.,
We shouldn't have to tolerate it.

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