Hypo/psychotic episode

[Serencwtch]

I've got schizoaffective/bipolar 1 & been well for months - at work in a management role, normal family life etc.

Had another hypo last week - could completely see what was happening but appalling lack of response from GP, 111, a&e & not got the meds I needed.

Escalated until I walked/ran all night, got reported missing & picked up by police.

Eventually stabilized on increased quetiapine & diazepam & under home treatment for a few days.

Just feel so low & humiliated by it & upset that it could have been prevented if GP & a&e hasn't been so utterly useless.

We are a small rural village & having 3 police cars turn up with blues & sirens on has obviously caused a drama & everyone talking about it.

DH told everyone the police were looking for a missing person & had to rule me out, told everyone I'm fine & we don't know anything about it but just feel so crap now - I don't want this bloody illness, I'm sick of the drama - it's definitely not like a TV drama for me. I don't want people 'caring' about me & searching for me. I just want to not have this bloody illness. I can handle anything - pain, depression etc but mania & psychosis can just fuck off I'd even take cancer right now if it meant rid of this. (I don't mean to offend with that comment but right now it's how I feel)

Anyone else with mania/psychosis episodes relate? How do you just get on with it after? Do I just hold my head up & pretend it didn't happen or do I owe an explanation. Have kept off the local Facebook but know it will be all over it.

Just want to hide right now.

so sorry you are having to deal with this it’s totally shit isn’t it ? when you feel up to it let the doctor know they could have prevented the drama
you have managed life fantastically don’t underestimate your accomplishments

do what you need to do to recover and be kind to yourself
how long since you last had an episode ?

I find people are far more understanding and empathetic, I doubt they are all talking about you , and if they are it will be in the same way you would talk about someone whose having an bout of ill health . The older I get and more open I am about my MH challenges I find everyone has someone they love in their friend or family circle who has MH issues so more kindness and less judgement these days

try to go easy on your self and be proud of who you are , well done on husband he clearly has your back !
xxx(( hug)))

Thank you. The last one was March last year & I spent 2 weeks in hospital on a section 2 so actually this was much better.

If it hadn't been for the police drama I think I would have got away with it - I didn't humiliate myself in public & wasn't obviously unwell in front of anyone this time.

Police were bloody brilliant to be fair it's just unfortunate they caused a village drama.

I'll get another crisis plan meeting I would have thought & will try to get across what went wrong.

Just wish the last 10 days hadn't happened!

Sending big hugs. I’m so sorry this happened. Especially as you knew and did everything you could to get the help you needed.

I was sectioned a couple of years ago with hypomania. Diagnosed weirh bipolar. I thought my life would never be the same but it has 99%. You owe nobody else anything. I would say nothing, they’ll soon move on to the next story - abandoned dog poo tends to get the most froth going in our rural village Facebook page. Try not to ruminate about what happened - easier said than done I know. It happened and it’s over now. But every time you think about it your body will be reliving it again. I have go to topics planned that I think about if I start to ruminate and if that doesn’t work, I doom scroll. Not ideal but it works for me.

I think you definitely need a plan for next time you start to “fizz”. I started to “fizz” a couple of months ago and found GP (usually amazing) totally useless. After struggling on, I called CMHT even though I had been discharged. Consultant psychiatrist called me back and had me sorted medication wise in 5 mins. I’m well enough to be discharged from their services but I’ve asked to be kept on so I can call her directly anytime I feel the same way, as quick intervention is key (which you already know). I would ask for the same in your situation.

Also protect your sleep and exercise. Lack of sleep is the biggest risk factor for me.

Thank you x

I've had a few psychotic episodes that just started in the pandemic. The last one was the worst. I was hearing voices and I believed my family were demons. It is a terrifying thought that it could happen again. So I want to stay on medication but I'm really suffering with side effects and have tried a lot now. I might try quetiapine again as I don't think I had side effects from that