Feeling low today, no parents, chaotic life

[Sunandmoon85]

I lost my mum to suicide 8 years ago and my dad has been awol since. No matter how hard I try to live a normal life there is always chaos. Even since being a small child.
On the outside I look like I’m doing just fine. Good job, lovely husband, two good kids, nice house.
But I’m just so sad at the moment. Things go wrong and I don’t know why. I would love to have parents to go and have a cuppa with. My in laws are great but it’s not the same. I look at some people who have ‘normal’ parents and I can’t get over how that must feel. It must be great. It must give you such a solid foundation to build your life on. Some sense of feeling anchored when the going gets tough. Sometimes I feel like I’m lost and I’m winging everything.
I miss having parents. I basically lost both of them in my late 20s.

Oh OP I feel for you... I lost both parents in 2021 a few months apart and I was 36.
Much like you I'm functioning outwardly and very capable but that awful feeling of not having them to talk to at times.... to share good news or get advice on bad news. It's overwhelming and sad.
I don't know if I have any advice as much as just support that you're not alone and your feelings are you completely normal and understandable. 💐

Oh lovely, I am sorry you feel this way. You sound like you've handled a really shitty childhood with amazing grace. And you have two lovely children, that counts for a lot. Could you access some bereavement counselling at all maybe? It might help.

No matter how hard I try to live a normal life there is always chaos.

Is that current chaos or chaotic memories from your earlier life?

Current chaos. Viruses, too much work, sorting out finding out we have mice in the house, young son was bitten by a cat at the weekend. It’s just non stop.

I hear you. It's very hard.

Have you had any counselling or therapy to help work through what happened with your mum's suicide and your dad's reaction? Might be worthwhile.