How do you chose a counselor?

[Kayemm]

I'm struggling with some things at the moment and feel that counselling would help me, but howon earth do you pick?

I've filtered by qualifications, experience in my issues, will accept face toface, not too far away and there are still dozens.

I know most offer a first free appointment but I don't want to go through everything over and over again until I find the right one

Can you ask friends/family/colleagues for recommendations? Or look at reviews?

I don't know any counsellors who offer a free session although a few might offer a free 15 minute chat. Recommendations can be very helpful. Otherwise read their profiles and see which ones 'speak' to you.

Unlikely a counsellor will offer a free session as most counselling techniques require multiple sessions to be effective. 1 session will not solve the problem.

@Cheslea2010 the purpose of a free session or free initial meeting is for the client and counsellor/therapist to get to know each other so that there's a good chance to build rapport during subsequent paid sessions. It's a standard protocol.

Indeed, so it isn't a free session.

When deciding who to contact I went through the filtered list and looked at the pictures and thought about who I could imagine myself talking to. It really helped as I realised certain things were not for me - men, women who were too old or too young, no one who looked too perfectly made up (likely to feed into my not feeling good enough), not too hippy looking (for similar reason)

It was very much a gut reaction as I looked at the photos and read the descriptions. The person I chose also had a photo of their room which helped me to visualise being there.

This process worked very well for me - i clicked with the first therapist I contacted. She has been fantastic. I was going weekly to fortnightly for the first 12 months. And now just go every few months, if I'm feeling out of sorts or something is bothering me.

A lot to be said for trusting your gut instinct. You obviously chose well

Counsellor here. No counsellor offers a free session - just a free 10-20 minute introductory phone or video call to see if you both may be the right fit.

I recommend looking at the length of their experience, plus if they’ve done BACP or UKCP accredited course.

The 15-20 minute session is like an interview. You need to know what outcome you want from working with them, they need to see if they can work with you.

Therapists are like shoes; if they don’t fit you won’t walk far. It’s ok to change therapists after a few sessions if it’s not working for you for whatever reason.

Speak to a few on the phone and see who you gel with. Maybe mention in broad terms what you want to work on without going into painful detail. Does the counsellor show empathy but are also robust enough to contain you and make you feel safe sharing? Do they have a general plan as to how they would work with your issues (you can ask them for that)? Do you feel comfortable chatting with them? Are they reliable in timekeeping, speed of response etc. Apart that it's gut feeling really.

Good luck!

I looked through the list on the BACP website and looked at photos; I was able to decide who I didn’t want to contact fairly quickly! I decided against anyone looking much younger than me (felt like they wouldn’t have the life experience), anyone too made up with fake lashes and big lips (too distracting) and generally looked for someone with a “kind” face who I could imagine myself talking to. I then whittled it down to three and emailed them all to see who had what availability and to get a general feel for them. I’ve been having weekly sessions with the one I chose for 2 years now.

Don’t do this because you don’t want to see the same counsellor as someone else you know.

I went with my gut instinct.

Why not? They (we!) are bound by very strict confidentiality rules.

Sure, but I wouldn’t want to see a counsellor who already knew any of the people I was going to potentially mention.

Wait, you’re a counsellor and you’re still asking this?!

Work out what you want counselling to achieve and then select a style of counselling that is aimed at that. For example, if you want to change the way you respond to something triggering, CBT might be the most suitable, but if you want to move on from a screwed up childhood, psychotherapy might help you achieve it. Then find a counsellor who specialises in that and look at their experience and areas of specialism, for example, older people, child and adolescent etc. Also, it depends what you can afford, and how long you expect to continue - do you want a long term open ended relationship with a counsellor, or a fixed period to address a specific issue?