Never ending depression

[Itsnotme33]

I'm an older woman and have always had bouts of depression and anxiety. They usually last 6 months at most. However the latest one has been going on for 3 years and despite different antidepressants it's just not lifting. Do I just accept this is my life now, maybe it's an age thing and ditch the antidepressants as they just don't seem to be doing anything and I've tried a few

What caused it this time? Is it the same as previous times? And in the past has it lifted on it's own or because of drugs and/or therapy?

There were a combination of factors that I think may have caused it - but it can happen to me with no particular cause too. Antidepressants have always sorted it out before and usually a bit of therapy but it's just not working this time. That's what's making me think it might have something to do with age, and actually maybe being depressed and anxious about getting old which obviously I can't do anything about. There are a few other stressors I can't do anything about either. I wish I could just wake up one day and feel it's lifted but I wake up with the dreaded dread every day and after 3 years of it I'm at the end of my tether

Could you try a different antidepressant? There are many options these days. When I was depressed I had to try a couple to find one that was effective.

I think you need to keep trying new medication. So sorry it’s been such a tough time. Have you seen a psychiatrist or just your GP?

When I say I'm depressed about getting old I then feel very guilty because I know many people haven't had that luxury so I should be grateful I'm still around and in reasonably ok health for my age. Maybe I'm scared of dying now that I'm closer to the end of my life.

I have seen a psychiatrist. He's tried me with a few different meds, due to see him soon. I guess I will ask to try a different one, just never happened to me before that a med hadn't worked so I'm a bit worried about why they aren't working . Thank you for your replies x

I think if I could just find a med that even partially worked it would help give me the impetus to do something to help myself. For example I saw a thread on here about the Women's Institute and although I'm not sure it's really my thing it's something I might think about having a look into for some company and to get myself doing things. At the moment I have no ability to do anything really, even getting out of bed can be too much

Might be worth asking your psychiatrist about combining a low dose antipsychotic with your AD as that has been shown to help with treatment-resistant depression.

How old are you (if you don't mind me asking)?

I think you need to be as kind to yourself as you manage to be. Rumination is such a hard part of depression. Just how hard it is is so hidden. I spent 40+ years thinking I was overcomplaining until I went ping at 50 with an episode of hypomania. Now realise I was chronically under complaining.

Your job is to tell them how you’re feeling and that’s is not working. It’s their job to know what to try next. Either higher dose, add a further medication or try something else.
I worry myself if getting older will impact my bipolar. It’s a genuine added worry that they need to support you with.

I think that’s a great idea once they’ve sorted out your meds.

There are loads of options like this suggestion that you’ve yet to try. It’s hard when you’re feeling so unwell but you need to keep telling them things aren’t currently working.

Take care.

Thank you @Eyesopenwideawake I will ask them about trying that

I'm early 70's

Sorry replied to @Eyesopenwideawake instead of @Owwwwwww about the anti psychotics

Thank you for your comments @MoonDruid they're very helpful and give me something to think about. I'm going to try harder to get through to them that things aren't working and I need something different. It can be hard to advocate for yourself sometimes especially when you're feeling apathetic.@MoonDruidI'm also sorry you have similar worries about your bipolar and getting older.
I haven't quite got the hang of replying to posts so sorry if I go wrong

You mention trying the WI - that’s a great idea . I read that breaking routine - mixing up the day away from routine can make a surprising difference !
Additionally , when I had CBT in the past the therapist stated that sometimes forcing ourself for a set amount of time eg 5 mins to do something (either necessary or a hobby ) can be helpful . If it is bearable then we can spend longer doing it, if five minutes is enough then there is a sense of trying / achievement !

It is so very difficult to advocate for yourself. I often write down what I want to achieve and how now. You’re 5 minutes in their long work week so it’s important that you can clearly express what you need succinctly if possible as they’ll just move onto the next person and you’re left still living in your difficult situation. Can you take someone with you?
Where are you living? How isolated are you? Lockdown was the start of me going ping and I’ve realised I need to spend my retirement in over 55 or sheltered accommodation as social isolation makes me worse very quickly.

Yes I need to remember things like that I've learned in the past, or preferably have a refresher course. I need them to help me with making a start and they're not really at the moment so I need to get that across to them. I'm just finding it too hard to motivate myself on my own

I think lockdown was a big thing with me too and now I'm very isolated - mainly through my own choices now because everything makes me anxious and also I find it too hard to get myself out and doing things. I really want to but there's a block I can't get over. I will try writing things down before my next appointment so I don't just sit there dumb and not able to say what I need to say. I feel really pathetic at the moment. I don't really have anyone to go with me, again partly down to me because I don't open up to people. It's a frustrating mess I've got myself into.

I wake up with the dreaded dread every day

Does your mood lift during the day?

Also, again without wishing to be intrusive, do you have the means to do things like travel, have days out or take up new hobbies?

No my mood doesn't really lift in the day, that's what's so awful about it, it's never ending. I have the means to do things within reason but not the mindset unfortunately. This is where I was hoping the antidepressants would help but so far no luck. I will make sure I get it across to them that what they've tried so far isn't working. With the best will in the world I can't get myself out of this

How much do you move? I ask because my mood plummets if I don’t exercise at least an hour most days. I find it so hard to start again if I have a break for any reason but without it, I feel very low very quickly.

Would you consider ECT? It can be very effective for some people where medication isn't working any more. It's another thing to discuss with your Psychiatrist.