I wish I could stop worrying about people not liking me.

[Nobodyknowsitall5]

That's it really. I've tried all sorts including therapy and medication. I can't help but think that people don't like me. I have friends and family who love me but I just have this constant noise in my head that people generally don't like me. I don't know why I care. I really wish I didn't. Anyone else ever felt this way? Anyone got any tips how to manage or silence the noise?

Thanks

I found CBT really helpful for these kinds of thoughts, especially challenging ideas and assumptions. It was revelatory for me when I learned that I can't mind read.

A favourite adage is what someone thinks of me is none of my business. It also helps to think that as long as you're doing your best, other people's judgement doesn't matter.

Medication can help with intrusive thoughts. Journalling also helps

Thank you for replying to me. I'm definitely going to start journaling. I just wish I didn't care as much.

Something that works for me is focusing on something bigger. I blog about world affairs so that tends to take over my mind. So I’m not beating myself up over what I perceive to be negative reactions. I also get a boost from writing..it’s an outlet. I hope you find something that works for you.

I understand that OP but you need to do the work. CBT and mindfulness can be really helpful. With CBT you have to keep working on it. You could print out some worksheets and fill them in when you have these thoughts.

Work on distraction techniques and your self esteem. The Six Pillars of Self Esteem is good.

Thank you. This is a good idea. I know I worry about absolute rubbish.. it is a very bad habit. I'm going to start reading books again also. I procrastinate so much and that won't be helping me. I'll try a chapter a day so that I can focus on other things. Thanks again xx

I’m exactly the same as you op. I wish I could stop worrying about it. I’ve always been the same though.

I will. Thank you so much. I will look up the 6 pillars now and I'll google some worksheets xx

Exhausting isn't it :( xx

I can recommend a book called the Courage to be Disliked. Such a liberating book. I read it twice to take it in properly.

I used to be a people pleaser. It's great when you stop caring.

Here you go.

@Nobodyknowsitall5

It really is.

Thank you. I'm determined to free myself from the torment. I actually have that book and read it years ago. That will definitely be on the list to read again :) xx @username299 just ordered the pillars of self esteem. Thank you x

@username299 thank you for the cbt sheets. I'll print them out and get working on them ASAP. X

I used to feel this way, so much so that I struggled to even leave the house for many years.

Now though, as I have got older, I just don't care!
I do the best I can do (mostly!), I treat others well and if that isn't good enough for them then tough shit.

People are too bothered with themselves anyway.

No problem, you might also find this helpful.

Age helps. You reach your 40's and just don't care anymore! Funnily enough people seem to like me more now that i don't give a crap!

You'll get there I promise. You have the right idea. I also procrastinate actually when feeling anxious or ruminating. I do have to push myself. Good luck, you can do it.

Sorry if this sounds trite.

i have a very self conscious child. I always tell him that no-one is thinking about you because they are too busy thinking about themselves and what other people think of them.

maybe create a little mantra for yourself with this thought and keep repeating it whenever you have a thought of someone not liking you.

Just did the first session and it was really really good. Thank you so much.xx

@Beebsta I know I really need to get over myself. I know people aren't thinking about me much but for some reason I just torture myself. I'm going to practice gratitude and try to switch my focus to the positives and stop thinking I can mins read. The negative thoughts just creep up on me sometimes and get me down. Thanks for the tip :) cx

@QuickMember thank you :) I am determined 💪 xx

I read this thing once that said that everyone is actually more concerned with the impression they are making than anything about the other person. They walk away with their own self critic in their heads rather critiquing you.

I wish I could find the whole article because it actually gave me a lot of mental freedom.

I'm the same, OP. Except that I'm in my late sixties now, and I don't care. I don't have time to wonder if people like me or not - I accept that they don't and get on with my life without them.

One thing that helped was realising that 'friends' are not a thing. You only have to read mumsnet for a short while to see people upset because 'friends' aren't behaving as they do in television programmes. Life is a lot more based in family, if you have them, or alone.

I don't think you have to 'get over yourself'. I think you need to be kind to yourself and be your own best friend. I use my fb for that but you could try journaling as mentioned above. Enjoy the things you can enjoy.

I had a mantra (mentioned upthread) for a while. It was 'Radiate exquisite beauty, charm and calm.' It was so unlikely it made me laugh every time I thought of it, so it did help!

You are, as they say, 'enough'.

@stopstartstop that is a really lovely and positive response. Thank you so much for that ❤️ I love your mantra xx

Just wondering how much you judge other people?

Who told you that people didn't like you? When and where did you first hear of this concept?

@scabbyhorse i really don't think I do judge other people. I judge myself harshly though and generally think I'm not as important/inferior to others.