My mum took an overdose

[ditavonteesed]

I don't even know if I should be posting this on here. My mum took an overdose on Friday evening, I was happily pratting about on here when i got a couple of phone calls that nobody was there, about half an hour later my mum called and told me she had taken an overdose, I got straight in the car in my PJ's and dh called an ambulance.
I stayed at the hodpital until about 2am and went staright back at about 9am Sat, She is still in there but is now talking like noramel and not really mentioning it.
I don't understand how she could let things get so bad without being able to talk to anyone, she had planned every last detail but been acting perfectly normal, she was on the phone to my dd that afternoon, after she had been to boots and bought tablets.
I really don't understand what is happening.

No advice for you dita, but big hugs from me to you,,,,,,,,,,,,,

What a shock for you, sorry to hear it. Perhaps ask at the hospital about counselling/support groups for people in your position?

Message withdrawn

my mum took a few overdoses, the hospital staff will have to make sure there is counselling inplace before the discharge her. Unfortunately you have no control over your mums actions, you can support her but ultimately she is in charge of her.

I have been trying to get her to make a decision about what she wants to do when they let her out, I think she is just going to go home and try and carry on as if it never happened, which terrifies me because that is the last thing that I feel she should do.
I know she will get some help know and can hopefully work out what is wrong over time, they won't let her just brush it under the carpet will they?
It is really starnge my Mum is so not like this and i have never seen her anything like that before, It was quite traumatic seeing her in that state.

My Dad is also reallyn pissed off with me because I didn't phone him until the next morning, although i was at the hospital and I also wanted to find out if Mum wanted me to call him.
He had gone away for the weekend, i think that was part of her planning.

I have just been to get some flowers, which doesn't really feel that appropriate but I wanted to get something, all the florists were shut so i ended up with crappy supermarket ones.
I don't know what is appropriate, this is not something i have ever been through before or ever imagined.
I was just looking back at the thread I was on on Friday to see what time the calls were as I know i posted about htem.

Dear ditavonteesed.

i remember the shock of my mother's first attempted suicide.
you just feel like your feet have been wiped out from under you. it is not easy to know what to do or how to respond. my mother had been depressed for a while (over 40yrs) and although throughout our childhood she had threatened to do it she never had.

she had seemed to be having an 'ok' time when she took the first one so it came out of the blue.

my mother wanted the hurt and pain to stop and saw this as her way out. Fortunately she has survived 6 OD's and been found twice trying to hang herself.

have you or anyone managed to find out why she did it. 1 of my mother's attempts was because my dad (they are seperated) was going away, the rest have been to do with her disability and depression.

my SIL's mother died by OD and it was enlightening talking to SIL who said that her mother had battled for years and eventually couldnt fight the hurt and pain. she just didnt want to live if that was all there was to life.

My mother has been badly let down by the MH authority we live in so i would advise that you fight and keep on their backs.

some people see it as a way to get help or attention. some people see it as a kind of punishment towards someone.

do try to talk to your mum and get her to say why she did it. she might not want to but tell her you cant help her unless she lets you.

3 years down the line from the 1st attempt my mother tried again in january and is at present in a secure unit. However they dont offer CBT, therapy or anything other than a safe place and medication.

your mum should possibly get a MH case worker and, depending upon age a social worker. My mum has 2 but personally they arent worth the paperwork.

i also agree with cluelessnchaos that it is your mums life and it is her choice what she does with it. However it doesnt stop your hurt, pain and anger when it happens. Do everything that you can to support her but do not feel that you are responsible for her happiness & well being.

take care and a big hug of support to you & your family.

sue

how are you doing dita?

Hi thanks for sharing it really helps, i am not doing to well at the moment, my dad is being really off with me and now he and my brother are dicsussing everything. My brother reckons he has talked to mum and basically it sounds like it is all my fault, I caused too much stress as I had an operation, moved house and have 2 ill dd'swho have been having tests and things (actually both fine now). Anyway that is probablyt not what was meant but I am feeling very esp at my dad who is now trying to control the decisions my mum makes.

Your not butting in, my dad is very controlling, he used to shout all the time but years ago mum leaft him and when she came back he was not to shout, he now just sulks for days but he is one of these people that can be silent in an incredibly aggresive way and make everyone be on edge. He has really upset me since he told me yesterday that he was really angry that I had not phoned him until 11am Sat, i did point out that i had been at the hospital. I am very pleased that mum felt close enough to me to call me or god knows where we might be right now, i just wish he would acknowledge that maybe this isn't the most pleasent experiance for me either.

Hi,

it is evry easy for some people to blame others instead of taking any responsibility.

you should not feel guilty. i was anoyed at my dad for not telling me straight away the third time (over 2 hr later) but he explained that he wanted to see what was happening before we all rushed up to the hospital.

your main concern that night was for your mum and being with her.

whilst you have been under huge stress i think you will find that it didnt really have much to do with why your mum tried to OD and you mustnt blame yourself.

oh dita, please don't feel guilty. As you have said, what a tribute to the relationship you have with your mother that she called you.

Unfortunately, you can't make your mother come to a decision. You can support her, if you wish, but please, for your own sake, try not to take too much on board. I too have lived through many of my mother's suicide attempts and although it feels like a complete affront to your own existence, you have to learn to distance yourself from it. I know that sounds horrible and it's not easy but keep in your mind that she is seriously ill and needs outside assistance. If you can, play a part in making sure the hospital sort out therapy for her.

I'm sorry your dad is being an arse.

Thanks guys, have woken up ina much better mood today, I know this is harder for my dad than anyone else so it is understandable and I think that as the person she chose to phone I am easiest target and everybody needs to be angry, at least they aren't being angry with my mum.
I do need to make sure that I stay ok for my own dc as I have only just started taking ad's myself, I will be there for my mum but I think the worst is over. There is not much more that we can do it will be down to counsellors etc now I hope.
I can't really understand what has happened and I still don't really know how to feel but that will come, my GP offered me counselling when I started on AD's 3 weeks ago, I think I may take it now.
Thanks for the kind words and I am very sorry to hear of all your experiences, does give me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and this can be sorted out.although it is going to be a very long bumpy road.

dita, keep strong you are going through completely natural emotions as is your dad, he is being an arse but a natural arse. He is angry that this has happened but cant get angry at the person responsible cos she is also the victim. He will feel guilty for not being there early enough and blames you for that guilt. Try not to get into anything too rash, and as for them blaming you when it came out that I knew my mum was an alcoholic age 8 my parents sat me down and explained that I had been a very difficult child and that had driven her to drink.

clueless that is terrible. It is bad enough to blame another adult but to place that responsibility on a child is shocking, you must be a very strong person to have dealt with that.
I think my um is finally finding some answers, she says she feels like 2 people, the normal her who can deal with anything and hold normal conversations and the her that did this and has these thoughts, she thinks the 2 are completly seperate, she will be seeing the psyce doctor tommorow so hopefully they will be able to start helping.

No not strong very resentful at times but I will use whatever I can when I can. It sounds like your mum has a good relationship with you and is sharing well.

Im experiencing the exact situation you were in today. I feel broken 💔