I'll not lie, i'm a bit low today. today its my DD's 19th birthday, and she is the most amazing, incrediable, strong independant young person you would ever meet.
The reason I am sad is because today marks the anniversary of the day my marriage died, to a man who i loved so completely but by his own admission, i was only supposed to ever be a one night stand.
We had been married a fair while when we decided to try for baby number 2, but sadly it was not going to be possibly naturally, so with medical intervention finally i was pregnant! the process took its toll on our marriage as i am sure it does for any couple trying and failing to have a baby. there was no reason for it, we already had one DS conceived normally, why could we not have another?
..and so she was born, and thats when the timer started... until eventually i packed a suitcase, left a note and arranged to collect the kids when i was settled! sounds like a plot from a movie or a book.
during those early days, he asked if he could have custordy of the older child! He was told he either fights for both, or he has none, they won't be separated.
This little girl, has recently watched her dad be diagnosed, suffer terribly and then nursed him through his final hours at the ripe old age of 17! She idolised that man, and the woman he married.
and today she is in tears because he is not here! she's cried because he was not here for christmas, her new job, her graduation... and i am reminded again, as i am every year... that he didn't want her anyway!
I've cried today but I can't tell anyone why I am crying? I can't tell my children, i love them so much but i can't tell them why I crying.
I'll be ok tomorrow, but today.. I'm crying